Wednesday, April 11, 2012

2012 Tartan Devils Football Club

    Been a while, but that's the way the Life Stasi works!

    The 2011 season ended well with the Young Ones (23+ Men's Open Division League) winning the Premiership Division, The Propers (30+ League) winning their division and moving back into the First Division, and the Old Boys (40+ League) winning the Fall Cup and moving up into the Premiership!

    Not quite sure how the blog is gonna be maintained, as time has worked against us as far as geting it together on a weekly basis with photo's, capitalist plots, etc.  A true Minister of Propaganda would do us wonders!  Applications accepted from like minded comrades anytime... But in the meantime, schedules can be put up if nothing else, eh?  Give 'em hell Devils!

As always though, current blurbs of info can be found at

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Dispatch from the Fire Pit, RE: July 10, July 17

23's YOUNG ONES, JULY 10th:
    The high hinterheights of Plum Mountain begat the struggle against the sun stained royalty of the region.  The dry and arid playing surface purposefully set high upon a hilltop in order to wear down opponents and be as one with their bright, orb of a deity.  An opiate of the pruned masses indeed!
    The Young guns of the Pub brought their bench, and through smart rotation and hydration were able to beat back the purple crush of imperialism! The scoring was opened by opportunistic zip code management as Eric "Left Wing" Buhman was in the area to assume credit for the goal.  The next came from a Travis "Ministry of the Interior" MacKenzie header, who then proceeded to tally two more towards the collective cause.  Then Greg "Youth Brigade" Annan then added a score in the waning moments of the pompous empires' sun, essentially beheading the monarchial aspirations of domination, the final 5-2 baked into the record books.
     Let it be known that although others in this missive were named in the goal scoring Ledger of Equals, all tallies will be attributed to Eric "Broken Left Wing" Buhman in recognition of his zeal to show others the true meaning of collective effort and initiate Operation Mr. Mister!  While his rations will stay the same, the masses will sing songs of praise!

23's YOUNG ONES, JULY 17th:    
    The contentious heat did little to cool the old wounds from prior events before the TDFC 2.3's came into true being in their Year Zero.  Before their assimilation into the Nation of TDFC, some history books make mention of a proletariat firm known as Breadworks.  While this can neither be confirmed nor denied by the collective, it is accepted that they were allies in the struggle to stamp out the gutter dogs of imperialism and their ilk.
    It seems the Oak Avalon army remembered their foes regardless of what flag being flown.  Hard tackles and a short bench for both sides brought the fight to a mouth breathing standstill by the end of the day, a 1-1 draw the result.  The Tartan Devils lads own Dear Leader, Dan "Generalissimo" Morton notching the score off of a rebound from a smart free kick from Derek "The Elder Equal" MacKenzie!  In a show of grudging respect and to set the stage for a future meeting, the opposition was allowed to tie the game.
    While little is known about the northern foes of OA, besides the existence of a splinter group based on pattied meat, the Tartan Devils will be strong in their defense of suspected history and trophy! The Pub is Bond!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, RE: June 26

23's Young Ones, June 26:
    All hail the Tartan Devils Football Club!  The youth is getting restless, their revolutionary football proof of the cause!
    The TDFC 2.3's invaded the grey industrial complex of Montour, only to find a barbed wire Cretan maze awaiting their entrance, a ploy it seems by the short sided foes of the hinterlands to the east.  It seems Comrades Discharge would say it best as the opposition attempted to Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing-  given the logistical pitch plight- a corrupt policy to be sure!  The transgression would be realized by the absent overseers of the down side, as a 9-0 drubbing ensued.  A reminder to facilitate camaraderie in the future!
    Distribution and resource were spread across the board as the Devils helped the needs of all! The line: Minister of Telecommunications Coulson, 2 goals.  Minister of the Interior, 2 goals. Minister of Plenty Sochacki, 2 goals.  B. 'Bunting' Bartek, 1 goal.  Comrade KMFDM McKamish, 1 goal.  Minister of Correct Thought, 1 goal.
    The result will be recorded as it would have been odds on!  The might and glorious methods of the TDFC will perpetuate and absorption is inevitable!  Glory to Devils all!  Glory to the Pub!  

Dispatch: Ministry of Informational Learning Facilities, RE: June 18, 19

40's Old Boys, June 18:
    While a few CTU wore the Black Flag of disruptive qualities well, the gandy dancers of an over privileged side proved nimble enough to dance through the opiates of untruth, Great Pumpkinism and Refereeism.  Commonism in it's most common, not communal, form.  The Stepford Plains proved difficult to rally on; an unfortunate tithe was placed on the proles of our time!
    The baying dogs of Graham Park were properly kowtowed when Karl Mac's vision led to The Big German's understanding and a 1-nil lead was had.  A predisposed inclination to interpret the successes of the working class as inflammatory and dangerous had the expected outcome, as the bourgeoisie disavowed the hard work done by TDFC and waged a war using only their tears.  The scales of levity then tipped through an erroneous call on a righteous goal.  The weight of oppression too much to bare, the final outcome a farce; Just another skewed day in the epoxy based land of the strip mall! Bloodied but Unbowed, there will be a Redemption Song ringing in the ears of our generous hosts... !

23's Young Ones, June 19:
    It seems that dastardly Duckspeak is not limited to the Proper's and Old Boys, as the Young Ones had to filter through such counter-revolutionary psychobabble on their way to a 4-2 victory for the masses!
    The aged emperor captain of the bourgeoisie came masquerading in his finest nothingness, eager to show that he was anything but unfit for the job.  The clear minded 2.3's saw through the sham and unable to put up with the pretense, continued their assault on  materialism until the battered ideals of a naked king lay in ruins, a PK by his own fabrication as the bell tolled.
    Goals by the Minister of the Interior and the first on the year by the Annan Youth Brigade added to the strikes by the First Among Karl Mac's Equals, Derek the Elder!  Hail to the Youngers of the Pub, Glory to TDFC!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Ministry of Informational Dispatch, RE: June 11

40's Old Boys:    
    The pock marked, multi-terrain question mark known as Trafford ominously beckoned as the seasons first meeting of a less than united Eastern Europe United and TDFC 4.0 came to pass.
    EEU brought Cold War tactics and faulty ideals, while the Glorious Heroes of the Pub brought a better brand of collectivism and stockpiled goals, not bombs!
    Agent 19 limited himself to only a couple marks on the day, redirecting a Knotts G. Batterski header into the twine and then finishing a smart lead from the Committee of Medicines' Room 101 Division.  The Big German sent shock and awe through the collective after sending home a powerful strike with help from the Minister of Defense.  The Bully Boys in stripes finally acknowledged the oppressive tactics of the EEU, leaving the Ministry of Martyrs to round out the days scoring with a Little Red Book example of PK finishing.
    The polit bureau has deemed further encounters appropriate to introduce the Newspeak necessary to address the oppression and urban decay EEU is experiencing through Trafford's Ministry of Plenty. May the Glory of Tartan Devils FC shine on all!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

All Fronts Dispatch: RE: June 4, 5

40's Old Boys, June 4th:
    After many moons away from the safety of the level playing Field of Our Founders, the invasion of So Called 1966 came and went, but not without leaving behind information valuable to future events.
    Cohesiveness was not in question as Agent 19 directed a cross from the Ministry of Health to the back of the net to rally the start of the day! Unluckily, the limited volley of return fire in the form of guided missiles served as answer enough to disrupt the lines of communicado amongst the baffled battalion of Pub Heroes.  Bloodied but unbowed, the fight took on the revolutionary stance of singular reconnaissance and intelligence gathering!  The knowledge gained will be assimilated, notice and reckoning will be served, and the mission completed.

30's Proper, June 5th:
    The Pub Heroes of the Revolutionary Force not of Navarone, but of the South Side have always held that the wilds of Trafford would present adverse conditions; From shank wielding meth-head lumpens under the bridge, shin deep chemical muck on the pitch, or even having the local dictator save the best of the worst pitches for "the kids"- who looked suspiciously like 60 year olds*.  The most recent match being no different in the litany of dissident charges against the state, the new foe being dust bowl conditions: From the sand traps on the wings to the cinders and dirt clogging the lung pits of the TDFC, one almost expected to see Comrade Woody Guthrie standing on the sidelines playing a collection of Dust Bowl Ballads for the crowd.
    Despite these shameful conditions, the mighty numbers of Devil's toppled the rivals of EEU 3-nil! Goals from the The Hawk (no relation to The Jackal), The Young Upstart and The Goldsmith brought about the pre-determined result.  Helping plow the tallies on the day were Ho Chi Neil, Stalin Head Seth, and Tommy Sickled and Hammered. The heat was intense on the day, but not as dismantling as the calm, cool class of our finest proxies from the Nation of TDFC!  LONG LIVE THE PUB!
Photo by Special Ops Jag Officer Shubert
*The Ministry of WTF has declared that this must be to 'the fracking'.

23's Young Ones, June 5th:
    The calm nothingness of the day belied the further lack of tension between the Young Ones Brigade and the mannequined masses from behind the grey walls of an institution that has stolen their moxy and sucked dry their will to perform above a measured disposition... but a 3-2 victory was the outcome nonetheless for the Pub Heroes of TDFC, resisting the pull of the Prozac Nation before them!
    The score box was raided quickly by Derek the Elder Equal, as he took the teachings of collectiveness and for the good of all, scored off of the oppositions tactical error of Enronesque proportions!  Comrade Corstenkov took a pass from the Ministry of Correct Thought and recorded the first goalie nutmeg in the history of the Beautiful Game!  All glory to the might of the People!  An impromptu alliance with the Keepers Wish Foundation granted General Varga the opportunity to live his dreams as a striker in the second half.  The ensuing chaos resulted in what would have been an assist for the net minder, but instead led to the game winning goal from a PK taken by the aforementioned Elder of Equals of the Mac Ministry.
    Pub Stasi has reported that in a show of corporate sportsmanship, the losing team of Internationals put in their bid to buy the next games win, stating that they are 'owed'.  Nani nani boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.  Glory to the Pub!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Dispatch: RE: May 21, May 22

40's Old Boys, May 21st:
          On a rare spring day, the mighty Old Guard of the TDFC Collective invaded the sun baked steppes of Harmarville to take on the well-to-do dandies of Fox Chapel FC.  TDFC 4.0 used a three prong attack consisting of all lines of their formation to down the capitalist fancy lads 3-0.
    The defense held true, strong, and free against the sporadic advances.  The Minister of Virtue, the Minister of Benevolence, Iron Curtain Chris, and Killy stymied every chance taken by the opposition. So good was the back line, that when opportunity arose, the Minister of Benevolence was given the freedom to score, with help from one covert Agent 19!
    Not to be outdone, the midfield, while supporting the defense, also continued to attack with the front line.  KGB played an inspired game, as an unnamed muse cheered him on.  The oft mending Minister of Housing and, therefore, Reconstruction, delivered a heroic effort.  Playing through pain and foe, he tickled the twine, the assist from Alpha One Niner again!  Both November 17 and the Minister of Health played revolutionary football as they prowled the wings, keeping control.
    The front line embraced the Marxist theory of "Shoot At the Net and the Chains of Oppression Shall Be Broken", as they sent balls resembling Katyusha Rockets of old.  After a day of wealth distribution, Agent 19 furthered his equality by scoring, a reciprocating helper from the Minister of Housing and Reconstruction.  Sub Comandante Raul Zapata and the Minister of Martyrs pressed the day as well up top, the enemy dogs never allowed to let their guard down.
    A glorious day for the grizzled stalwarts behind enemy lines! Hail to thee, hail to thee, hail to thee!

30's Proper, May 22nd:
    The strange orb in the sky brought with it confusing heat, as the Great Jersey Debate almost became a tale of shirts and skins, but it was the most difficult part of the day; the perseverance of the TDFC Propers through humidity induced off sides, off passes, and off shots won the day 3-0!
    The kowtowed lackey's of a corrupt system brought their best, and through trickery and the compassion of the snarling overseers in yellow, kept it close, although the game was played around them most of the day.
    The defense held fast with a few self imposed trials thrown in for excitement, a clean sheet for one Minister of Street Justice left to his own solitude and devices for most of the day. Idle hands indeed!
    The eager mids in between smart volleys and aggressively won flighted balls, took the time to test each other, giving an expose on communication for the Devils Advocates on the sideline!
    A predetermined proletariat barter agreement between the Young Pioneer and the Young Upstart produced the first two goals, each with the other assisting.  The Young Pioneer added the third with a Paul Pot helper, to put any of the oppositions bankrupt theories of comeback safely to rest!  And boom goes the dynamite.

Photo's by Special Ops Jag Officer Schubert