Monday, May 25, 2009

Dispatch from the Information Ministry, May 17

    On the people’s pitch the Devils played yet another disciplined game that resulted in a triumph for the Marxist-Satanic revolution.  The Tartan Devils battled through an opiate haze to claim a 2-0 victory over Jesus and his 10 disciples (also known as Allegheny United to those in Opus Dai).

    The first nail in AU’s cross came in the first half when “Karl” Mac’s penalty shot put the Devils in the lead. The second nail came a few minutes later when Comrade Neil practicing quintessential wealth redistribution fed a perfect corner kick to the Young Pioneer who buried the cross in the back of the net.

    The final act of revolutionary crucifixion came about as TDFC’s “Gang of Four” and James “The Minister of Defense” fought off a late desperate surge by Jerry Falwell, St. Martin, and all the other minions of The Holy Hand Grenade, to keep a virgin sheet.

    This victory was the next step in the revolution proving that religion is “the opiate of the masses” and Tartan Devils FC can smoke any opponent on any day.

All photo's by Jack Megaw

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dispatch from the Information Ministry, May 3

    TDFC overcame the constant whine of the capitalist machine and the reactionary play of Norwin Gold to win 2-1. The Devil Army marched on to yet another victory vanquishing their verbose opponents on the scarred field of Trafford.  Cheered on by the Marxist suggestions from the Bench Mob and the Leninist support of the People's Congress, the Tartan Devils were able to destroy the luck and spirit of the war mongering Norwinites.

    The goals of the “Young Pioneer” and the “First Among Equals” provided the needed offense and the industrious rollover of the midfield kept the ebb to defense and the flow to offense. Though these “Heroes of the Soviet” played a critical role it was the “Gang of Four” that was key to TDFC’s inevitable scientific victory. These revolutionary fullbacks who were forged in Iron . . . City Beer stopped the continuous human wave assaults of the Golden Hoard and led TDFC to triumph. No truer example of their steely resolve was the play of Seth “Stalin Head” Madjerich. This valiant comrade willing, sacrificed his head to stop what surely would have been a capitalistic goal.

    In true collective spirit all divisions worked together to insure a victory for the people, thus demonstrating to all who oppose the collective the singular mindset of true team revolution!

Photo by Jenn the Riveter

A moment of celebration for our Local Pub Heroes and the new Flat Stanley Alliance!