Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 14

Let all fascist, imperialist, and anti-revolutionary no-good-niks, take heed of the date June 14th. On this glorious day the "Red" Devils of TDFC completed the first phase of its 5 year plan as it transformed itself from a revolutionary guerrilla force into a true Army of the People. This historic date embodied the collective spirit as all revolutionaries united to keep the Glorious People's Team UNDEFEATED at home by smashing the feisty rogues that are Mt. Lebo/Heidleberg 6 to 0. This victory was accomplished by uniting all of the Party’s forces and thus calls for each comrade to be mentioned in dispatches.

Gang of Four stopped all who dared to step foot on the Devil’s side. The Dear Leader had a striking performance in the middle of the back line turning away one imperialistic attack after another while Comrade Seth proved his Stalin like qualities as he hunted down and crushed all who dared defile the revolution. Not to be outdone Adam “AK 47” Sechler mowed down all foes. As if possessed by the spirit of Vasily Zaytsev, Comunista Paraguayo party member, Comrade Nando mocked TDFC’s bourgeois’ foes with his highly charged play.
The bomb throwing revolutionary Comrade Alex worked his way up the pitch multiple times to give pressured attacks to the beleaguered opponent and "Long March" veteran Comrade Neil displayed resourcefulness and flair to hold the back line. The play of the Gang of Four allowed goalie Comrade Brenton to act in his customary lumpenproletariat ways as he did as little as possible, hence retaining his acidic Lenin-fresh scent.

Red Brigade mid field combined its various sub-contingents to act as a unifying agent of the revolution. The Red Green contingent of Comrade Wayne-ski, Sickled and Hammered Tommy, and Paul "Pot" used the power of the sharpened shamrock to aid in the destruction of the capitalist pig-machine. Comrade "Ivan Drago" Dean and Jamie "Ministry of Housing" Deitz were strong revolutonary forces, fighting the imperialist forces that encroached upon them. Both Pub Heroes illustrated the true spirit of the collective will to crush the enemy that the Glorious People's Team is founded on. Shunning the confines of any crystal palace, Mark "Ministry of Virtue" Holland left the seed of his talent in both ends of the pitch of Our Founder's. The Red Brigades political wing transformed theory into action as Commissar MJ’s field exploits, Hero of the Soviet Mikhail Baldwinovich’s deeds, and “Karl” Mac’s assists brought the final stage of communism closer.

The Bench Mob contingent demonstrated that true communism is the inevitable outcome of the revolution as Comrade Eric the Red (who was named Proletariat of the Match) and Jason "Antonio Gramsci" Roller each scored well fought for goals. "Che" James being inactive for the day instead tasted the fruit of the squads labor, bottle by bottle, as the capitalist drinks the blood and sweat of the oppressed worker. Comrade Joe was sadly unavailable, as he he was furthering his education with the Ministry of Relocation.

The Revolutionary Strike Force contributed 4 goals on the day coming from the Young Pioneer (logging two), the First Among Equals with a blistering 3 yard shot (as is his way), and KGB Agent Bortfeld who soared to subversive heights as he tallied a diving header that combined the courage of the collective with the flair and drama of our South American Brothers and Sisters in revolution!

The season break commences and changes are afoot for TDFC. As the mighty Tartan Devils embark on the Great Leap Forward, KGB Agent Bortfeld is off to spread the seeds of collectivism and revolution to countries beyond our borders. His whereabouts may not be known, but with the skill he exhibited in his farewell match for this season, he will always be a Devil! He will be missed.


Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In times of difficulties

Full Frontal Information, June 7

    Sunday June 7 saw the Pub Heroes of the Glorious People’s Team descend upon the decadent back country north of the city to strive in a contest with CT United.  The slippery epoxy of grass and unusual  height of the pitch meant only one thing:  The field was constructed by imperialist Dick's!  The unfamiliar terrain of the carpet added to the heat of the day and was matched only by the heart of the players from TDFC, as the People’s Team battled to a 4- 4 draw.  Thus reinforcing the working class mantra of  “a draw on the road is as good as a win.”  But we are reminded by "Karl" Mac's education that when the enemy advances, withdraw; when he stops, harass; when he tires, strike; when he retreats, pursue; and victory of another kind will be known.

    Great exultations to the goal scorers on the day, including a deuce by The Young Pioneer (as assisted once by Comrade Alex and once by Comrade Tommy), Comrade Baldwin (as assisted by the Young Pioneer – in keeping with the truly collective style of  TDFC) and a solo venture in the name of all by Comrade Tommy himself!  Excellence spread back to front!

    The chances from the opposition were fast and furious, so all glory to the Gang of Four – including the healthy Comrade Fernando! – on keeping the attacking hordes at bay!  Between the posts Che James held it together well in the face of the speed of the onslaught.


    The midfield and attacking players were no slouches themselves, getting fresh life from the bench in short multiple shifts.  The return of Comrade Jamie was well noted, as his work fighting in the center caused disruptions of strip mall proportions.

    Keeping a cool head in the face of consistently inconsistent calls, the People’s Team showed their true revolutionary collective spirits! Aided by a strong group of supporters from the sidelines, the day was one to behold and herald as a victory for the working class worldwide! Cleats up, lumpinproles down!

    Heading into the final week before the summer break for further education and conditioning, the Glorious People’s Team are tied for second place in a division wrought with capitalists, imperialists and fascists.  All Power to the Pub, All Power to the People!

Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Memo from the front, May 31

    The People's Team faced a "top of the table clash" on the artificial battlefield of Century United this week.  Playing the much lauded Iceoplex FC (a squad fallen from the graces of premier proportions and into the lap of the proles) the Glorious People chose to settle for a draw in order to allow “Fascoplex” the chance to see the error of their ways.  Seeing that TDFC mutually decided to play for the draw, KGB Co-Captain Adam called this a victory and a learning experience per general secret order number 1 from the Ministry of Education.

    The 1-1 draw exemplified the ability of the collective to predetermine the outcome of the match before hand and then see it through.  This was achieved by the play of all.  From the Gang of Four at the back (with the deceptively grey haired Dear Leader) to the Red Army midfield,  to the Bench Mob of the sidelines, the collective was in, as the youth say, full effect and the hizzy replaced with a less garish, economically viable and useful bunker.  Chairman “Tony Zedong” was, as always, monitoring and directing from his command center.  His desire to see success materializied in moments of singular thought and propaganda.  In tandem with the Chairmen, Comrade Commander MJ made sure the gears of the machine that is TDFC rotated smoothly.

     Again, the true collective spirit of the the Glorious People's team reigns over the brash and indignant individualism of the opponent!

    The Young Pioneer scored a brilliant goal from "Karl" Mac's well placed pass.  This tied the score at one after a imperialistic cross was turned into the net by the stiff winds of fascist bluster at the Glorious People's end. 

     After the match Agents of The People's Secret Police heard the decadent enemy complain at being held to a hard fought draw by The People's Team.  The Pub Stasi is thanked for this important information.  The bourgeois Iceoplex (who are an odd mix of fascists and lumpenproletariat fobs) will not get off as easy in the future.  Such disrespect of the People's Team is grounds for further re-education!  The People's victory cannot be denied!  Power to the Pub!

Comrade Jack Megaw, Ministry of Visual Communication