Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 14

Let all fascist, imperialist, and anti-revolutionary no-good-niks, take heed of the date June 14th. On this glorious day the "Red" Devils of TDFC completed the first phase of its 5 year plan as it transformed itself from a revolutionary guerrilla force into a true Army of the People. This historic date embodied the collective spirit as all revolutionaries united to keep the Glorious People's Team UNDEFEATED at home by smashing the feisty rogues that are Mt. Lebo/Heidleberg 6 to 0. This victory was accomplished by uniting all of the Party’s forces and thus calls for each comrade to be mentioned in dispatches.

Gang of Four stopped all who dared to step foot on the Devil’s side. The Dear Leader had a striking performance in the middle of the back line turning away one imperialistic attack after another while Comrade Seth proved his Stalin like qualities as he hunted down and crushed all who dared defile the revolution. Not to be outdone Adam “AK 47” Sechler mowed down all foes. As if possessed by the spirit of Vasily Zaytsev, Comunista Paraguayo party member, Comrade Nando mocked TDFC’s bourgeois’ foes with his highly charged play.
The bomb throwing revolutionary Comrade Alex worked his way up the pitch multiple times to give pressured attacks to the beleaguered opponent and "Long March" veteran Comrade Neil displayed resourcefulness and flair to hold the back line. The play of the Gang of Four allowed goalie Comrade Brenton to act in his customary lumpenproletariat ways as he did as little as possible, hence retaining his acidic Lenin-fresh scent.

Red Brigade mid field combined its various sub-contingents to act as a unifying agent of the revolution. The Red Green contingent of Comrade Wayne-ski, Sickled and Hammered Tommy, and Paul "Pot" used the power of the sharpened shamrock to aid in the destruction of the capitalist pig-machine. Comrade "Ivan Drago" Dean and Jamie "Ministry of Housing" Deitz were strong revolutonary forces, fighting the imperialist forces that encroached upon them. Both Pub Heroes illustrated the true spirit of the collective will to crush the enemy that the Glorious People's Team is founded on. Shunning the confines of any crystal palace, Mark "Ministry of Virtue" Holland left the seed of his talent in both ends of the pitch of Our Founder's. The Red Brigades political wing transformed theory into action as Commissar MJ’s field exploits, Hero of the Soviet Mikhail Baldwinovich’s deeds, and “Karl” Mac’s assists brought the final stage of communism closer.

The Bench Mob contingent demonstrated that true communism is the inevitable outcome of the revolution as Comrade Eric the Red (who was named Proletariat of the Match) and Jason "Antonio Gramsci" Roller each scored well fought for goals. "Che" James being inactive for the day instead tasted the fruit of the squads labor, bottle by bottle, as the capitalist drinks the blood and sweat of the oppressed worker. Comrade Joe was sadly unavailable, as he he was furthering his education with the Ministry of Relocation.

The Revolutionary Strike Force contributed 4 goals on the day coming from the Young Pioneer (logging two), the First Among Equals with a blistering 3 yard shot (as is his way), and KGB Agent Bortfeld who soared to subversive heights as he tallied a diving header that combined the courage of the collective with the flair and drama of our South American Brothers and Sisters in revolution!

The season break commences and changes are afoot for TDFC. As the mighty Tartan Devils embark on the Great Leap Forward, KGB Agent Bortfeld is off to spread the seeds of collectivism and revolution to countries beyond our borders. His whereabouts may not be known, but with the skill he exhibited in his farewell match for this season, he will always be a Devil! He will be missed.


Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography

1 comment:

MacAonghusa said...
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