Saturday, July 18, 2009

Downtime Dispatch, July 5th

All hail Com "Red" Jonny Burrell, the Impostor of Imperialists, the Crusher of Capitalists, the Engineer of Egalitarianism, the Bomber of Bourgeois, the Guy Who Played One Game for TDFC!

On Sunday July 5th this mighty soldier of the revolution showed his fellow Tartan Devils how the beautiful game is played. With every touch Red Jonny dominated the action; he scored goals, made assists, ran down the opposition, helped little old ladies across the street, did the hurty gurty, walked on water, and caused women to swoon. He so completely controlled the game the other team described him as if "Pele' and Jesus had a baby that was reared by Lenin"! Comrade Jonny was simply unstoppable and was obviously named "Proletariat of the Match".

Though it was not needed, the Dear Leader created an environment that was conducive to a TDFC victory by shipping his old (Comrade Mark), his porous (Comrade Brenton), his infirm (Comrade Fernando), and his insane (Comrade James) to the adversaries so as to confuse their level of play. If this was not enough, the Dear Leader also acted as the referee to make sure all calls of this unsanctioned match were 'revolutionarily' sound.

The tone on Dick's Pitch could be described as indeed friendly, with said comrades duping the opposers through Trojan Horse tactics of magnum proportions! In what seemed a gesture of true communism through player sharing, it was actually a testimonial (OPERATION: Jonny's Testimonial) to the Stasi operatives of the Ministry for State Security! The newly discovered country of Cranberry will eventually bow to the resoluteness and come to the understanding of the influential Nation of TDFC! The inevitable alignment of competing FC Nations into a union of Soviet Tartan Republics will no doubt be forthcoming. Through the revolutionary acumen of the MfS, the help of Red Jonny, and the grit of Tartan Devils all, the path to a glorious new day has begun! Similar fact finding missions have led to the defection of opposition eager to embrace the happiness and share in the rewards of the fruitful land of Tartan Devils F to the C! Hoo-rah to the Devils! Hoo-rah to the Pub!

Goals and plays were made by others, but only because Comrade Jonny willed them to be. He will be missed and TDFC as a whole will forever remember this 'Red' Tartan Devil!

Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography

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