Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, September 20

Let every ear hear, let every eye see, the setting sun of fascist imperialism and the rising of the Tartan Devils Football Club, The People’s Team!

The Glorious People’s Team met with the oppositional Iceoplex, and as the late summer sun set, so did the hopes of the competition to be victorious. The TDFC had a glorious win of 2-1 on the eve.

The day started with an innocuous moment when Comrade AK Adam was stung by a counter revolutionary insect, not knowing that a page would be taken from the guerilla tactics of the little beasty. A moment to be reflected upon later in reviewing the day!

Les Orangemen de la Glace made their presence known through the constant whine of their impetuous rickety machine, marked by rough approaches on Che James, hard tackles on the Young Pioneer, and in an astounding moment (of what could be referred to as Thoughtless Crime), a stomping on a prone Mikal Baldwinovitchs' chest (banishing said unthinking ogre to the Joycamp of red card sin bin being the People's "profit"). A long march for the People's Team indeed!

The entire field played as one: The mids in rare form filling in gaps and moving precariously back and forth to offer support of both forwards and the defense, with special marking duties to boot. The young gunners of the top, relentless in their movements, attacking again and again, creating opportunity. The back line, reserved in their duty to defend, all the while knowing their business may be integral in creating a picture perfect play that starts at one end of the pitch and ends in the opponents net. Every Tartan Devil "left it on the field" (in the parlance of the contemporary athlete); from the veritable curtain of Iron Men playing the full course to the willing subs and the black eyed Bench Mob, from the multi faceted comrades filling in at numerous posts to the timely substitutions and the generals directing on field operations. Every player gave his all!

After falling behind 1-0 a tying goal came from a corner kick bent by the bees knees, Comrade AK Adam, to a glorious result off the head of Comrade Paul Pot. The game winning goal came via the sting of a quick strike that had Mikal Baldwinovitch send a cross to the diving head of the Young Pioneer (rumored to be giving Comrade Bortfield's offering a run for it's bread ration!).

The People’s Team were not shaken by the quick pace of the opposition, the duckspeak d l'orange caught in their own honey of doublethink and distress. The collective will of the People’s Team and The Party (TDFC supporters) was not bent by the decadent underestimation of our Pub Heroes! Power to the People! POWER TO THE PUB!

The Ministry of Photography in collusion with the other agencies is reviewing visual contribution to this dispatch. Photo's will be added when available. Chill out.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


The Party Dispatch, September 13

The Glorious People’s Team, the Tartan Devils Football Club, steams along with all of the vigor and productivity of the revolutionary collective that they are. On 13 September, the revolutionary people’s team withstood the duckspeak of the opposition to show a solid performance at the Field of our Revolutionary Founders.

The result on the day speaks NOT to the performance of the collective, especially that of Che' James in net. The first half was all Che' James, including some brilliant saves and solid direction from the back. The score line of 2 – 1 (to the opposition), betrays the real horrorshow that was his effort, as well as that of our GLORIOUS PEOPLE’S TEAM! The collective were on an experimental system of substitution that was intended to keep the machine running at peak performance and garnish maximum results, but the download of information stripped the gears and crashed the speakwrite. More than the voices of the Bench Mob were heard as the inventive substitution scheme was implemented.

TDFC opened up the scoring on this day by the foot of Comrade AP Bratchny. His clever movement through the pitch to come up from his usual place with the Gang of Four to be in scoring position was nothing short of revolutionary vision of a brighter day; of a Five Year Plan of Goals! Doubleplus props go to said comrade who was named Proletariat of the Match, and who deferred to accept until after his numerous responsibilities in the Committee of Construction were met.

The Glorious People’s team continues its march toward victory, valor and revolution. The Collective has always won and will continue to. Those that fall victim to the thought crime of thinking otherwise will be fortunate to consider themselves useful in the work camps. By continuing to push the fascist and imperial opposition down, the People’s Team as they always have will continue to win hearts and minds in cult like fashion, from pub to pub and pitch to pitch. From factory to farmland, office to work site, the Pub Hero remains, the PEOPLE’S TEAM remains, The TDFC prospers! Glory, All One, NEVER None, Glory TDFC!

The Ministry of Photography in collusion with the Records Department have lent the visual recordings of the match to memory holes to be retrieved at a later date in their truthful entirety after consideration by The Party.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

We Can Do It!

Ministry of Newspeak Dispatch, August 30

All hail the Great Baldwinovich footballer, actor, well coiffed playa, and hero of the Soviet; for it was his inspired play that led TDFC to a hard fought 1-1 tie on the sunny field of Dicks; The Committee of Pressured Attack having had many students on the day!

Though all Devils are equal, some are more equal than others and the Leninist play of Mikhail Baldwinovich demonstrated this in humble fashion through silent action. This Vanguard of the Proletariat was a shining example of when the collective is faced with adversity, individuals must heed the call to arms and pick up the flag of communism and drive it into the heart of the fascist pig.

By his actions Mikhail Baldwinovich was able to move others to feats of grandeur. Duly inspired, The Dear Leader raced to the forefront of the attack (turning the Gang of Four into the Gaggle of Three), and heeding the call of the “Baldwin”, had a sure goal taken away- all involved the victims of Thought Crime (as in everyone "thought" it was a goal). “Karl” Mac’s play was akin to a Katyusha as he lobbed deceptive rockets at the opposition’s goal. The First Among Equals played indeed as the future was ours, but as we know sometimes 2+2= 5, and reality is otherwise. The Young Pioneer pressed the attack and like his demure comrade, was able to keep his perfectly designed locks in place, his actual rockets stinging a shell shocked keeper. A one on one opportunity yielded disappointment, proving as taught by Big Brother, that the individual mind makes mistakes.

The mids made mockery of motivated attempts to exploit the gut of the pitch. Again and again the opposition was mauled by the Green Brigade as marveled by the even more diminutive and honorarily titled "Wee Mikey". The complimentary Red Brigade understanding the lead of comrades all lending to the idea that war is indeed peace. Control and defensive assistance , while offering offensive support make the footballers of TDFC the real Monsters of the Midway!

The afore mentioned Gaggle of Three with the Minister of Street Justice, lived their day in singular coverage mostly and like the Black Flag of old, repelled time and time again the notion of an organized attack on behalf of the beleaguered foe. A Bench Mob of eager players supplemented all involved on all levels, adding enthusiasm and verses of Victory to the din of competition!

Let us remove the saccharine trust of truthiness that allows the Thought Crime of what should have been and move ever forward to the hallowed ground of the Glory that is Tartan Devils FC, All-One or none! All-One! All-One!

Photo's by Comrade Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography