Friday, October 16, 2009

Cold War Report, October 11

Victory Through Defeat! The Class(y) War continues!


In a hard fought match the Tartan Devils FC forced CT United’s black shirted baying sheep to accept a 1 to zero win. The decision of the State to allow the opposition to eke out a victory was based on pure socialist group thought. The Tartan Devils chose solidarity with the masses in the second division over “hob-knob jobbing” with the elites of the first division next season. In order to fulfill this self fulfilling prophecy, all that was needed was the will of the people and the masterful generalship of the Dear Leader. With his smoke filled commands ringing in their frozen ears, the "Red" Tartans marched onto the field with socialistic fever burning in their hearts!

The TDFC comrades fought for every ball and inch of the pitch. No greater example of this challenging spirit was the play of Eric the Red. Who hunted down every foe, followed every instruction, and placed a well timed tricky ball on net. With many commenting that due to his socialistic play, he should be called “Fred-Eric” Engels. For his efforts he is recognized as a “Hero of the Soviet”.

Another valiant player who showed the true signs of group thought moxy was Karl Mac’s play. It was an example to the entire collective as he directed all on the pitch and showed the iron- like nature of a man set on bringing down the bourgeoisie as he fought through fouls and poor field conditions. For his play he is award the honorific title of “Überbringer Sozialismus unt Zerstörer ein Brot Linie”

In a startling but yet expected outcome, the actions of Paul Pot earned him the “First Order of the KR Chapeau.” His mere presence caused the looser cannons of the upstart opponents to lash out in a truly imperialistic manner as Paul was able upset the elitist intellectual among CT United, goading them into poor decisions and penalties.

The volley of balls, while exciting outdoor, was trumped by the draw of the salacious volley indoors, an investigation has found. Details are incidental and the process of redirection has been initiated. An inside report has suggested that all visual records of TDFC have been left to the imagination. Borderline Thought Crime! The Ministry of Photography in acquiescence to the laws of the State, is being re-educated and will prove useful in the work camps.

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