Thursday, December 10, 2009

End of Campaign Post: Operation Bagration, November 1

The Dear Leader has decreed that the history of Operation Bagration (the second tine of a Devils pitchfork campaign to win the coveted PA West Men's Over 30 1st Division Championship), BE STRICKEN FROM HISTORY! This justifiable and necessary action was taken to counter the travesty that took place on the pitch in TDFC's loss to CT United. The entire game was wrought with imperialistic shenanigans, violations of internationally recognized norms, and fifth column activity. So with great insight the Dear Leader has chosen to wipe out all mention of this affair and instead has directed The Ministry of Truth to celebrate all things "Dear Leader".

The "Dear Leader" stands at 6 feet 12 inches tall and has an intellect to match his glorious height.

The "Dear Leader" descended (along with his testicles) from a nonexistent place called heaven, and because of his divinity and charm, he is the true opiate of the masses.

The "Dear Leader" is both a barrister and an attorney, and has resolved many a legal case with his sharp intellect.*

The "Dear Leader" recently played for the English National team but refuses to be recognized for this accomplishment as the English National team is a fascist organization run by a Mussolini-esque manager.

The "Dear Leader" remains an excellent golfer, though since his first outing has refrained from playing in order to give others a chance to win (his first outing produced multiple holes in one and 38 under par).

The "Dear Leader' is the worlds tallest midget and not surprisingly, a committed Manchester United fan.

The "Dear Leader" once a year picks one team to banish to the third circle of the proverbial hell (also known as League One), and this year has decided that team should be Ipswich Town FC, because the Dear Leader feels the greatest thing in life is to crush the First Among Equals, to see him driven before the Dear Leader, and to hear the lamentations of the First Among Equals.

*See the landmark case "We Have the Field Until 9:00 v. No You Don't, We Have It At 8:30.

No comments: