Saturday, February 27, 2010

History, Game 5, 2009 Season

Referencing May 17th
    Welcome diligent followers of good taste. The book report continues! I have to say this particular episode is one of my faves. From the poster to the writing- total package. Religious overtones and odd pop icons thrown together because we can, like Bob Ross says, do whatever we like, because, it is our world! While we're on it, you know what else Bob Ross said? "Ooooh, if you have never been to Alaska, go there while it is still wild. My favorite uncle asked me if I wanted to go there, Uncle Sam. He said if you don't go, you're going to jail. That is how Uncle Sam asks you." Interesting guy.
    Sooo yeah, the prop-poster! How could we resist using the revered and reviled image of Ernesto "Che" Guevara? Exactly! We couldn't. I'm thinking the ease of selling his image as revolutionary fodder, bedazzled and worn by the rich and famous, has him scratching at his empty skull-sockets. And before you jump to conclusions and say, "But aren't you guys the rich and famous?" We are not. Not yet, and only as Cult Status Pub Heroes when we are.
    Back to Che, with a little help from TDFC18: "The face that launched a thousand t shirts!!! Including the undershirt of a striker for Livorono in Italy, who, when playing clubs with fascist supporters, would score and lift his jersey to reveal the face of Comrade Che beneath, just to piss off the fascists! Brilliant!"
    "Born in Aregentina, studied medicine, played footy as a keeper (both his study and player position were linked to his acute asthma), tooled around South America on a motorcycle...realized that revolution was the only way. Took up arms with Fidel and Co. to overthrow Batista in Cuba. After they settled that (to some extent!), Che decided to take the show on the road. He went into the Congo with 13 other Cubans, met up with about 100 revolutionaries there and tried to bring Socialism to the Continent of Africa. Needless to say, it didn't go well. A year later Che tried the same thing in Bolivia. That proved his undoing, as he was killed there trying to spread the revolution, one fight at a time."
    "Pop culture icon? Sure. Real deal revolutionary who would pick up arms and go to the jungle. Yes. Love him or hate him, he's both. And, it pisses off fascists when his image is used, so, that can't be bad, right!?!? RIGHT!!!"
    The quote on the poster? Yup, straight from the horses mouth.
    Now normally, we don't use any images of the other team, and when we do, it's only when they are looking stupid, doing something stupid, or have been stupefied, and that is only because we are in the shot doing something amazing. But there is no way the halo around a certain opposing comrade could be denied. That halo is real by the way. He is way nice and a good player as well (we'll protect his identity, he may not be ready for fame). The game summery was based on the photo taken during the game. And you know what? I did a little investigation and this guy is EVERYWHERE!
    The game report is a hard to pass up play on words that starts off with a mention of a Marxist-Satanic revolution. Says TDFC22: "I thought since we were playing against Jesus and we are the Devils, it was only appropriate that I combine leftist theory with Satanist practices." In between nails, crosses, Falwell(Ministry of Misinformation), Holy Hand Grenades (Monty Python), smoking(chasing the dragon) and virgins(you) there are a couple bits worth clarifying. The opiate haze mentioned refers to Karl Marx's belief that religion was the opiate of the masses; that it was used by the ruling class to manipulate the lower. A vehicle in which if the bottom obeyed the top, and didn't make waves, no matter how big the dump was that was being taken on their heads, they would be rewarded. When they were dead. Awesome! Simply, Marx believed that religion acted as a drug to sedate those who might act in a revolutionary manner.
    Then there's the blip about Opus Dei. The writer: " ... is a very conservative catholic lay organization that believes in mortification and other wacky right wing stuff." Mortification by the way, as Webster from the Ministry of Dictionary tells us is 'the subjection and denial of bodily passions and appetites by abstinence or self inflicted pain or discomfort'. A little self control instead perhaps?
    A couple more things came out of this report. TDFC8 got his nickname: Karl Mac's, an obvious play on Karl Marx. And the infamous photo was taken. The one that would be used for the the now controversial, bane of one, amusement of many... TDFC32's Fat Head. Friend him on Facebook!

diablo número trece del tartán

Friday, February 12, 2010

History, Game 4, 2009 Season

Referencing May 3rd

    Moving on with the slightly indulgent, but highly informative, time and space consuming thing that are these here explanations, we clear the air and plow onward. At least something is being plowed around here.

    So this poster, well, it got kinda deep. It happens occasionally, so I just wanted to give you the heads up. On the surface it may be nothing overt, but hopefully you can see the clues and how it tied together in concept. I may be absolutely full of shit though too. Feel free to suggest that I am.
    To ease into it, the title of the poster insert on the blog was 'Destroy All Monsters', a 1969 US release of a Japanese Godzilla and friends flick.
    The caption on the prop-poster itself, "Monsters of all kinds shall be destroyed", comes from Mao Zedong's handy dandy Little Red Book, Chapter 7, Dare to Struggle and Dare to Win. Better known as: We Don't Wanna Fight Ya, But We Will If We Gotta, You Imperialist Running Dogs. A free copy with every beating, which is what you got if you we're caught without yours. 'Required reading', get it?
    Since the quote was from Chairman Mao, it follows that the poster was inspired by one of his. Except where Mao would be centered with glorious rays emanating from him, there is a football. It just makes good sense. Instead of the adoring masses emulating him, there are smiling voodoo doll type creeps coming at you, with sickles and hammers and scythes and pitchforks and barbed wire in the rays (all of which were kinda thrown in as symbolic fluff for accent really).
    Now here's where it gets a little introspective. Maybe the news was on in the background. Maybe it was something I ate. Not sure but, who are the real monsters here? The viewer? The government that renders people unrecognizable? Circumstances that render monstrous situations? All far too deep for a damn poster! But the label at the end confirmed what it all was; In referencing a song called 'Monsters' from Florida punk band the Pink Lincolns, "People are more hideous than monsters." In some way I had thought about it a bit much, but maybe that's all it comes down to, that quote. Smile, it's over! The poster still kicks ass whichever way you look at it.

    Some highlights that may need explanation, a la TDFC22:
- "The whine of the capitalist machine is just a take on how much Norwin Gold was squawking about every play, and relating their name 'Gold', to capitalism."
- "Reactionary play was just juxtaposing reactionaries with leftists, then also tying it back into how they wanted to turn the clock back on every call that went against them, just like true reactionaries."
- TDFC15 earns a nickname! "The nickname comes from the fact that 'Stalin' means 'man of steel'. So after he took a serious knock to the head and kept playing, I thought it only fitting he should be called Stalin Head, a man with a steel head." The Stalin being referenced in name only here would be Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili, or Joseph Stalin. 'Uncle Joe' to the United States during WWII, this cult of personality type loved the Gulag penal system. He was a real douche that way. 

    It was mentioned that a little deserved to be said about the Minister of the Ministry of Photography, so here it is: If you notice a quiet Chelsea fan (THAT sounds weird) at Piper's, looking content with a bag of crisps and a pint, and you think that he's laughing at you, on the inside somehow, well, that is Jack. And I do believe he has a running commentary going on in his head. A talented young buck what who takes amazing pictures, Jack does what he can when he can and we pay him what we can, when we can. That is if it doesn't involve actual currency. We appreciate that he enjoys what he does and supports the team and the Pub, and are honored to have his help. Check him out at
    So you may notice that there are times when Jack isn't available, blowing us off to play atari or something. It kinda gets incorporated into the writing fer sher, but it also means somebody has to take something! This time it happened to be from a cell phone. The nephew of the picture taker was involved in a concept for school called the Flat Stanley Project. This venture is based on the children's story in which the character, Stanley, gets flattened by bad parenting. He goes on adventures, etc. The update is to have kids make their own Flat Stanley, go networking, and keep a journal of all the contacts. Like the KGB. So came the Flat Stanley Alliance. The tag underneath the photo gives credence to the women (embodied by 'Rosie the Riveter') working the factory's during WWII, with propaganda posters to match the enormous effort put forth by the hardworking 'Rosie's'.

    So yeah. There's some stuff for ya! Come to a game, buy our gear, visit the Pub!

Diablo numero trece del Tartan 

Sunday, February 7, 2010

History, Game 3, 2009 Season

Referencing April 26th

    Good morning class! Here we are to humbly explain previous snow-jobs. Ready? Here goes... The side by side for the prop-poster will work again, cause it is an altered CLASSIC. Classic in America since 1917 and then some, but the idea was based on a series of British war recruitment posters featuring some Lord Fancy Pants in 1914. If we're gonna throw the word around, I would say those were pretty classic too. I want YOU to check it out: Pretty much put a cool head in place of the old head. The old head by the way is the artists own face, slightly modified. His name was James Montgomery Flagg (get out!).
    The easiest part may have been the lettering. Once again, manipulating the Devil was the biggest challenge. Sometimes it takes way longer than ya think. Early on, the idea was in place to warp some originals, but manipulating a 2D image takes a little doing to get it right.
    Every poster also has 'For further instruction', and then the web address. This one is fairly prominent so it may as well be mentioned. The phrase is inspired by the whole If You Are Against The Grain You Will Be Re-Educated kinda' scenario that plays out in so many totalitarian horror plots. And sometimes in real life.   

    I now give you fancy book learnin'! From the top we have a bit calling for different tax brackets to rally around the glory of the TDFC. A nice bit of thought, that all working folks are working class, "orthodox class consciousness" says TDFC18.
    Now sometimes it's necessary to take friendly jabs at the opposition. Cause it's fun. In this instance it is over the name of our opponent. Our writer:
    "Dynamo was used widely in the former Soviet Union (still a few Dynamo teams around... Kiev springs to mind). We figure, they're not down for the struggle, but they'll use the name? Weak. We have a deceptively unrevolutionary name, BUT WE BRING IT."
    The moniker bestowed upon founding member and confidant TDFC10 makes it's debut! The First Among Equals is the translation from the Latin 'primus inter pares', a phrase used to indicate seniority in a group of the same rank.
    And who the hell is Lev Yashin? Why he's just some guy who revolutionized the position in his day and is considered to be one of the best ever! He played for Dynamo Moscow and the CCCP all through 50's and 60's. And he always wore black. Like some other dude (shown not in black).
    The Tartan Devils play four flat in the back, soooo Gang of Four it is! The Marxist proto-punk/funk band from Leeds came to mind first, their inspiration being the Gang of Four that was in prominence during the Chinese Cultural Revolution (1966-76). Chairman Mao coined it while warning his ex, who with the other three were later found guilty of crimes of treason, through their anti-party antics. Went to jail, released and deceased.
    Our own Chairman being spoke of is a fixture at Piper's Pub; a knowledgeable supporter present at every game on the bench, lending his wit, wisdom and insight to our proud squad. He calls 'em as he sees 'em, wrong or right, and is a guy who truly cares, a friend indeed. And he does it for free. Thank you Tony!
The others...
    Bench Mob! A remarked upon observation by TDFC19 of the sometimes riotous TDFC men awaiting deployment. Big time hearts and always talking, whoever is waiting in the wings comes in to make a difference. A 'sixth man' as it were, a basketball thing, considering the source.
    Communique' and Politbureau? Decorated terms for passing notes to the rest of the gang.
    ALOT of info for this one, so I'm gonna save the introduction of the Ministry of Photography for the next one, but let it be known, the photographs of Jack Megaw made their debut for this game!



Monday, February 1, 2010

History, Game 2, 2009 Season

Referencing April 19th

    Soooo, now that I've been accused of being a 'blogger' (it was said to hurt, and I am, really), we press on with the telling of things and stuff.

    This poster was one of the ones where things may be a little more understandable: a rein-visioning of an original, no vatican cover ups, no mysterious Lost agenda. A rip off. But that doesn't mean there isn't anything to explain!

    Now, the deal with my 'rein-visioning'. ALL FINE AND DANDY WHEN YOU ARE THE GUY WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA! For the person who has to do the computer work, a little bit of a test. A test of patience more than anything most likely, but also a timed test! We need to get this crap up in a few days, right!? Let me tell you that TDFC6 is one of the most talented and clever people I have ever met. And to have somebody breathing down your neck in an attempt to somehow help while you click and morph and listen to this manic stream of information the whole time. TDFC6= 
It must be a labor of love. I am sincerely humbled because of her skills and we are lucky she enjoys what she does enough to donate the time she puts in. OK, less ass kissy, more talky.
    From the top! The tag line of 'Sometimes history needs a push' is a quote from the chiseled maw of Vlad Lenin himself. In a break with the Marx idea that the workers would naturally rise up revolt against their oppressors, Lenin thought that professional revolutionaries needed to be planted in their midst to be shown the way. Which then led to the whole Bolshevik thing, and that's no bullshit. Our correlation would be that through our propagation we will be instigating the notion of the TDFC revolution in a grass roots kinda way: pub, footy, people... whoo hoo! Dance party! The start of Tartan Devil history as a club. Remember this thing is supposed to still be around long after we're gone!
    This poster also introduces Founder's Field, our home pitch, home of the Pittsburgh Harlequins ( A great group of guys, but particularly Jarhead and Rosey, who have been instrumental in letting us reap the benefits of their hard work (read as: irony). Class acts with a class facility! From there, we have my infatuation with gears and cogs making an appearance, our standard color scheme, abfu, and standard mention of Piper's Pub and Murphy's (both of which will be gotten to later).

                        PITTSBURGH HARLEQUINS

    Now howsabout some clarity? The anthem that begins the game report is a paraphrasing of the Soviet Union national anthem, and understandably, not catchy, as pointed out by one of the Devils Tarts. (As a side note, there is an anthem in the works. We just have to figure a savvy way to use 'country'). 
    The oft used bourgeoisie goes like this: "Marx broke the world up into the proletariate, or workers...and the bourgeoise - or the owners. In that light, you either own everything and produce nothing...or you own nothing yet produce everything. Uncle Karl took this as ass backwards and wrote about it with Li' Freddy Engles." - TDFC18.
    Which brings us to the whole Year Zero thing. Interesting concept for sure in a what has become a very 'nothing to see here, that never happened' way that has been repeated by numerous versions of the commie world. As explained by TDFC22: "Year zero plus one refers to when Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge came to power. They believed in the words of Henry Rollins, in that you had to "break it all down in order to build it up again," so they even changed the calendar. The year they took over became year zero. I added the plus one to represent that it was TDFC's second year, even though 0 + 1 does not equal 2."
    This entry also begins the naming of a Proletariat of the Match, in this case, TDFC23, who is referred to as a T 34 tank. The T 34 was World War II Soviet Union vehicle considered by some to be the greatest tank ever.

    There was an incident this particular game where TDFC16 was on the receiving end of a veeery cowardly sucker punch in our box. His reaction was the expectation of a call. None came. The reaction of our keeper that day, TDFC17, earned him an early nickname, that being associated with the Ministry of Street Justice. It was his full intention to exact that, but reason and decorum won out. I bring this up because ministries were what the Soviets called their government departments. You will find there is license galore in ministry usage! You can trace it to 1984 by George Orwell as well, though in that context it would have been the Ministry of Peace, in doublethink terms. We'll get to more of that stuff later.

    One more first before we go! The photo's taken by an injured TDFC5 that day led to the realization that if we were to properly document the campaigns of the mighty Tartan Devils FC, a Ministry of Photography would have to be created...