Sunday, June 20, 2010

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 13

    Let every ear hear of the glory of the People’s Team, the Pub Heroes, The Tartan Devils Football Club!  Battling against old foes Peter’s TWP, the People’s Team were victorious, chalking up a 2 - 1 win on the day!  Much like the clouds in the sky, heavy with humidity; an oppressive and sad attempt by the Nation of Scientology to align itself with a hoosegow heavy. The Tartan Devils were instead themselves a Red and Black Storm rising to squelch the opposition!  It has been said:  BE WARNED!  The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!  No truthier words have been spoken.  On the day, the despotism of the foe, their decadent Enron-esque Peters Township ways, were on display for all to see.
    An early goal for the opposition set up a mountain for the TDFC to scale.  And scale it they did!  The answer to the encroachment by the opposition came in the form of a brilliant cross by first year student Comrade Jeremy from the Ministry of Judgement.  The thought of the inevitable along with the pressure and commitment by the TDFC front line, spearheaded by the Young Pioneer, led to the keeper throwing the ball into his own net to avoid the crippling onslaught.  An amazing display of collective suggestion if ever there was! 2+2=5 is not a theory, but truth!
    Holding the draw might have been enough, given the history of dealing with the opposition (not to mention their goals for ratio), but the TDFC was not content to sit back, fold in and only defend.  In addition to solid defense, as masterminded by Kommisar MJ (shifting TDFC back to a 4 – 4 – 2 set up), experimentation has commenced on the Turk-Irish connection at the top between Comrades Ben "Turk 182" and Paul Pot.  Intense pressure from the Hammered and Sickled Tommy, along with Comrade "Iron head" Seth (Minister of Nuclear Power) added to the mix.  With “Karl" Mac's midfield general-ship, the TDFC tapped into the mantra of our Dutch comrades who gleefully sing “B.U.R.T.”:  Build Up Resistance Together!
    The final judgement on the day came through the tenacity and determination of the Young Pioneer!  As was their mistake from the opening whistle, the foes on the Field of Our Founders miscalculated the desire of all behind the force of one to overcome the repression of our taskmasters!  A clever flick and a lightning strike made for the winning score on the day.
    This match was a dazzling example of the revolutionary methodology of the People’s Club.  Every Devil gave their best, from each according to their ability to the collective need!  Fly the Red and Black flag of revolutionary Victory for the People’s Team: The Tartan Devils Football Club!  Power to the People, Power to the Pub!  Futball for the Pub, Futball for the People, ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE’S PUB!

All photo's by Tracy Brown, Ministry of Photography, Bunker Division

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 6

BE WARNED!  The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football! 
    The first month after May Day Month 2010 commenced with the People’s Team, The Pub Heroes of the Tartan Devils Football Club took to the southwestern hinterlands of the city to take on the Heidleberg/Mt. Lebanon club.  These oppressive imperialists did little more than engage in a sickening amount of counter-revolutionary duck-speak, except to say that they shipped in their own officials, as capitalistic stooges of their exploitative machine, on the day.  Their token tantrums did even less against the People’s Team, as we drew to a 1-1 result!
    The culturally deviant oppressive forces moved in front on the day with a goal from a set piece that could best be described as cheap; a crass joke of overloaded proportions.  The People’s Team, headed by the Dear Leader and Der Kommissar MJ, is experimenting with revolutionary new formations, and the Oppressive forces took advantage of the adjustments the TDFC were making.  The People’s Wayne was motivated and fluid on the wing, as was Comrade Wee Baldwinovich.  Tommy (of the Hammered and Sick-led variety) was a BEAST in the Mid-Field, going after the opposition with a revolutionary zeal that was truly an inspiration to all.
    The keeper of the opposition made a foolishly decadent sweeping clothesline attack on the Young Pioneer in the final moment of the match.  The penalty that followed was a blazing strike that evened the scoreline and showed a more accurate reflection of the day.  As Comrade Jason “Gramsci” commented “… it was a moral victory for a bunch of guys without morals.”  Well said, comrade!
Again we say, BE WARNED!  The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dubious derby dispatch, May 16

    On the hallowed grounds of Founders Field the fascists of Yinz United defeated the brave Soviet Heroes of TDFC 3-2. The fascist bully boys of Yinz United, led Oswald Mosley and MR. “Iron Lady”, used tactics reminiscent of the early days of the Eastern Front to drive the Tartan Devils from the field. The Dear Leader vowed that this set back would be avenged just as Mother Russia defeated the Third Reich in the Great Patriotic war so will TDFC strike back at the Yinzers. The heads of the Devils are held high!

    The crystalline method of the oppositions attack was the key to a quick lead that cast a shadow of momentary doubt over the pitch. The stalwarts of the Peoples team then matched speed with heart and desire to battle the yellow belly derby crashers. With intensity the Young Pioneer, though wounded, struck one for the home front off of a stationary play! The Young Pioneer also engineered his second goal as well, his hard work angling in from the sidelines resulting in a PK as the flustered keeper had no choice but to earn himself the красно through undignified last man play. The resulting inspired firestorm from all Devils willing had the opposition and field judges confused, as all that could be mustered in response was an unfortunate ricochet and a uncalled hand ball resulting in tallies for the foes. Based on overwhelming evidence contrary to what constitutes an actual marker, they were stricken from the record.

    In preparation for the future defeat of the Yinzers, the Ministry of Truth and Propaganda hence forth will not be led down the path of deception by the so called Yinz United. The Ministry declared that it is a misnomer to call Yinz truly “United” as this so called team is more of a coalition of various parties such as the British National Organization of Questionable Decision Making, The Ginger Hand Commandoes, and British Union of Fascists. By doing this Ministry of Truth and Propaganda has taken the first step to defeat the Yinzers by declaring their moniker void, because those who control the language control the outcome of history.

Power. To. The. People.

Photo's by Tracy Brown: Ministry of Photography, Bunker Division

Update on the struggle, May 2

    Day 0 + 1 after May Day 2010, the Glorious People’s Team took to the Field of our Founders to set forth against the imperial forces that are the Iceoplex FC. The People’s Team fought hard, and it is right and revolutionary to be proud of every Pub hero that day. The worthy strike from the foot of the Young Pioneer could have easily proven to have been all that was needed on the day, but like Cliff Richards, fascists are always trying to bring the TDFC down. Che James battled swiftly and strongly in goal, but with treachery and back-handedness reserved only for the most dastardly of foes, the Corporate stooges of the Iceoplex drew ahead of the People’s Team on the day. A so-called “penalty” was awarded to the corporate shills of the opposition after the People’s keeper worked like any good proletariat would to clear the 18 yard box.

    The deviant actions of the corporation ran so deep as to have re-routed the Ministry of Photography through a series of detours and dead ends, separating the ministry from the entouragical will of the People. In a display of cheap imitation, a member of the invading side set up as if involved with the collective, and proceeded to take account of the day. If not for the keen eye of the Pub Stasi, who knows what kind of spin would have been put on the evidence of the day! The camera was confiscated and this 'Peter Parker' was sent to corporate gulag, one different than the orchestrators of this treason envisioned to be sure. The confiscated camera left little to be gleaned as it exploded. Technicians recovered what can only be explained as questionable data.

    The kind of corporate thuggery on exhibition that day belies a truthiness overarching the match. With their generally decadent approach to the people’s game, the corporate shills of Iceoplex will do all in their power to live up to their pseudo-futuristic name. Unlike the futurists of the early 1900s, these adherents of the “new” ape the Italian futurists of the 1920s and embrace their fascist underpinnings. Like Comrade Stephanson said in the 25th chapter of Snowcrash, these types won’t be happy until a courier can skateboard from New York to L.A., simply by going through one franchise parking lot to another. Gross. Long Live the Collective! LONG LIVE THE PUB! Crush the Iceoplexes and all who follow their broken ideology. Futball for the Pub, Futball for the People, ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE’S PUB!