Saturday, June 12, 2010

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 6

BE WARNED!  The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football! 
    The first month after May Day Month 2010 commenced with the People’s Team, The Pub Heroes of the Tartan Devils Football Club took to the southwestern hinterlands of the city to take on the Heidleberg/Mt. Lebanon club.  These oppressive imperialists did little more than engage in a sickening amount of counter-revolutionary duck-speak, except to say that they shipped in their own officials, as capitalistic stooges of their exploitative machine, on the day.  Their token tantrums did even less against the People’s Team, as we drew to a 1-1 result!
    The culturally deviant oppressive forces moved in front on the day with a goal from a set piece that could best be described as cheap; a crass joke of overloaded proportions.  The People’s Team, headed by the Dear Leader and Der Kommissar MJ, is experimenting with revolutionary new formations, and the Oppressive forces took advantage of the adjustments the TDFC were making.  The People’s Wayne was motivated and fluid on the wing, as was Comrade Wee Baldwinovich.  Tommy (of the Hammered and Sick-led variety) was a BEAST in the Mid-Field, going after the opposition with a revolutionary zeal that was truly an inspiration to all.
    The keeper of the opposition made a foolishly decadent sweeping clothesline attack on the Young Pioneer in the final moment of the match.  The penalty that followed was a blazing strike that evened the scoreline and showed a more accurate reflection of the day.  As Comrade Jason “Gramsci” commented “… it was a moral victory for a bunch of guys without morals.”  Well said, comrade!
Again we say, BE WARNED!  The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!

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