Tartan Devils Football Club

Dispatch from the Fire Pit, RE: July 10, July 17

2011-07-23T11:32:00.000-04:00

23's YOUNG ONES, JULY 10th:
The high hinterheights of Plum Mountain begat the struggle against the sun stained royalty of the region. The dry and arid playing surface purposefully set high upon a hilltop in order to wear down opponents and be as one with their bright, orb of a deity. An opiate of the pruned masses indeed!
The Young guns of the Pub brought their bench, and through smart rotation and hydration were able to beat back the purple crush of imperialism! The scoring was opened by opportunistic zip code management as Eric "Left Wing" Buhman was in the area to assume credit for the goal. The next came from a Travis "Ministry of the Interior" MacKenzie header, who then proceeded to tally two more towards the collective cause. Then Greg "Youth Brigade" Annan then added a score in the waning moments of the pompous empires' sun, essentially beheading the monarchial aspirations of domination, the final 5-2 baked into the record books.

Let it be known that although others in this missive were named in the goal scoring Ledger of Equals, all tallies will be attributed to Eric "Broken Left Wing" Buhman in recognition of his zeal to show others the true meaning of collective effort and initiate Operation Mr. Mister! While his rations will stay the same, the masses will sing songs of praise!

23's YOUNG ONES, JULY 17th:
The contentious heat did little to cool the old wounds from prior events before the TDFC 2.3's came into true being in their Year Zero. Before their assimilation into the Nation of TDFC, some history books make mention of a proletariat firm known as Breadworks. While this can neither be confirmed nor denied by the collective, it is accepted that they were allies in the struggle to stamp out the gutter dogs of imperialism and their ilk.
It seems the Oak Avalon army remembered their foes regardless of what flag being flown. Hard tackles and a short bench for both sides brought the fight to a mouth breathing standstill by the end of the day, a 1-1 draw the result. The Tartan Devils lads own Dear Leader, Dan "Generalissimo" Morton notching the score off of a rebound from a smart free kick from Derek "The Elder Equal" MacKenzie! In a show of grudging respect and to set the stage for a future meeting, the opposition was allowed to tie the game.
While little is known about the northern foes of OA, besides the existence of a splinter group based on pattied meat, the Tartan Devils will be strong in their defense of suspected history and trophy! The Pub is Bond!

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, RE: June 26

2011-07-04T12:06:00.000-04:00

23's Young Ones, June 26:
All hail the Tartan Devils Football Club! The youth is getting restless, their revolutionary football proof of the cause!
The TDFC 2.3's invaded the grey industrial complex of Montour, only to find a barbed wire Cretan maze awaiting their entrance, a ploy it seems by the short sided foes of the hinterlands to the east. It seems Comrades Discharge would say it best as the opposition attempted to Hear Nothing, See Nothing, Say Nothing- given the logistical pitch plight- a corrupt policy to be sure! The transgression would be realized by the absent overseers of the down side, as a 9-0 drubbing ensued. A reminder to facilitate camaraderie in the future!
Distribution and resource were spread across the board as the Devils helped the needs of all! The line: Minister of Telecommunications Coulson, 2 goals. Minister of the Interior, 2 goals. Minister of Plenty Sochacki, 2 goals. B. 'Bunting' Bartek, 1 goal. Comrade KMFDM McKamish, 1 goal. Minister of Correct Thought, 1 goal.
The result will be recorded as it would have been odds on! The might and glorious methods of the TDFC will perpetuate and absorption is inevitable! Glory to Devils all! Glory to the Pub!

Dispatch: Ministry of Informational Learning Facilities, RE: June 18, 19

2011-07-04T10:50:00.001-04:00

40's Old Boys, June 18:
While a few CTU wore the Black Flag of disruptive qualities well, the gandy dancers of an over privileged side proved nimble enough to dance through the opiates of untruth, Great Pumpkinism and Refereeism. Commonism in it's most common, not communal, form. The Stepford Plains proved difficult to rally on; an unfortunate tithe was placed on the proles of our time!
The baying dogs of Graham Park were properly kowtowed when Karl Mac's vision led to The Big German's understanding and a 1-nil lead was had. A predisposed inclination to interpret the successes of the working class as inflammatory and dangerous had the expected outcome, as the bourgeoisie disavowed the hard work done by TDFC and waged a war using only their tears. The scales of levity then tipped through an erroneous call on a righteous goal. The weight of oppression too much to bare, the final outcome a farce; Just another skewed day in the epoxy based land of the strip mall! Bloodied but Unbowed, there will be a Redemption Song ringing in the ears of our generous hosts... !

23's Young Ones, June 19:
It seems that dastardly Duckspeak is not limited to the Proper's and Old Boys, as the Young Ones had to filter through such counter-revolutionary psychobabble on their way to a 4-2 victory for the masses!
The aged emperor captain of the bourgeoisie came masquerading in his finest nothingness, eager to show that he was anything but unfit for the job. The clear minded 2.3's saw through the sham and unable to put up with the pretense, continued their assault on materialism until the battered ideals of a naked king lay in ruins, a PK by his own fabrication as the bell tolled.

Goals by the Minister of the Interior and the first on the year by the Annan Youth Brigade added to the strikes by the First Among Karl Mac's Equals, Derek the Elder! Hail to the Youngers of the Pub, Glory to TDFC!

Ministry of Informational Dispatch, RE: June 11

2011-07-03T00:05:00.020-04:00

40's Old Boys:

The pock marked, multi-terrain question mark known as Trafford ominously beckoned as the seasons first meeting of a less than united Eastern Europe United and TDFC 4.0 came to pass.

EEU brought Cold War tactics and faulty ideals, while the Glorious Heroes of the Pub brought a better brand of collectivism and stockpiled goals, not bombs!

Agent 19 limited himself to only a couple marks on the day, redirecting a Knotts G. Batterski header into the twine and then finishing a smart lead from the Committee of Medicines' Room 101 Division. The Big German sent shock and awe through the collective after sending home a powerful strike with help from the Minister of Defense. The Bully Boys in stripes finally acknowledged the oppressive tactics of the EEU, leaving the Ministry of Martyrs to round out the days scoring with a Little Red Book example of PK finishing.

The polit bureau has deemed further encounters appropriate to introduce the Newspeak necessary to address the oppression and urban decay EEU is experiencing through Trafford's Ministry of Plenty. May the Glory of Tartan Devils FC shine on all!

All Fronts Dispatch: RE: June 4, 5

2011-06-11T14:32:00.001-04:00

40's Old Boys, June 4th:

After many moons away from the safety of the level playing Field of Our Founders, the invasion of So Called 1966 came and went, but not without leaving behind information valuable to future events.
Cohesiveness was not in question as Agent 19 directed a cross from the Ministry of Health to the back of the net to rally the start of the day! Unluckily, the limited volley of return fire in the form of guided missiles served as answer enough to disrupt the lines of communicado amongst the baffled battalion of Pub Heroes. Bloodied but unbowed, the fight took on the revolutionary stance of singular reconnaissance and intelligence gathering! The knowledge gained will be assimilated, notice and reckoning will be served, and the mission completed.

30's Proper, June 5th:

The Pub Heroes of the Revolutionary Force not of Navarone, but of the South Side have always held that the wilds of Trafford would present adverse conditions; From shank wielding meth-head lumpens under the bridge, shin deep chemical muck on the pitch, or even having the local dictator save the best of the worst pitches for "the kids"- who looked suspiciously like 60 year olds*. The most recent match being no different in the litany of dissident charges against the state, the new foe being dust bowl conditions: From the sand traps on the wings to the cinders and dirt clogging the lung pits of the TDFC, one almost expected to see Comrade Woody Guthrie standing on the sidelines playing a collection of Dust Bowl Ballads for the crowd.
Despite these shameful conditions, the mighty numbers of Devil's toppled the rivals of EEU 3-nil! Goals from the The Hawk (no relation to The Jackal), The Young Upstart and The Goldsmith brought about the pre-determined result. Helping plow the tallies on the day were Ho Chi Neil, Stalin Head Seth, and Tommy Sickled and Hammered. The heat was intense on the day, but not as dismantling as the calm, cool class of our finest proxies from the Nation of TDFC! LONG LIVE THE PUB!

Photo by Special Ops Jag Officer Shubert

*The Ministry of WTF has declared that this must be to 'the fracking'.

23's Young Ones, June 5th:

The calm nothingness of the day belied the further lack of tension between the Young Ones Brigade and the mannequined masses from behind the grey walls of an institution that has stolen their moxy and sucked dry their will to perform above a measured disposition... but a 3-2 victory was the outcome nonetheless for the Pub Heroes of TDFC, resisting the pull of the Prozac Nation before them!
The score box was raided quickly by Derek the Elder Equal, as he took the teachings of collectiveness and for the good of all, scored off of the oppositions tactical error of Enronesque proportions! Comrade Corstenkov took a pass from the Ministry of Correct Thought and recorded the first goalie nutmeg in the history of the Beautiful Game! All glory to the might of the People! An impromptu alliance with the Keepers Wish Foundation granted General Varga the opportunity to live his dreams as a striker in the second half. The ensuing chaos resulted in what would have been an assist for the net minder, but instead led to the game winning goal from a PK taken by the aforementioned Elder of Equals of the Mac Ministry.
Pub Stasi has reported that in a show of corporate sportsmanship, the losing team of Internationals put in their bid to buy the next games win, stating that they are 'owed'. Nani nani boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. Glory to the Pub!

Dispatch: RE: May 21, May 22

2011-05-30T13:34:00.000-04:00

40's Old Boys, May 21st:

On a rare spring day, the mighty Old Guard of the TDFC Collective invaded the sun baked steppes of Harmarville to take on the well-to-do dandies of Fox Chapel FC. TDFC 4.0 used a three prong attack consisting of all lines of their formation to down the capitalist fancy lads 3-0.

The defense held true, strong, and free against the sporadic advances. The Minister of Virtue, the Minister of Benevolence, Iron Curtain Chris, and Killy stymied every chance taken by the opposition. So good was the back line, that when opportunity arose, the Minister of Benevolence was given the freedom to score, with help from one covert Agent 19!

Not to be outdone, the midfield, while supporting the defense, also continued to attack with the front line. KGB played an inspired game, as an unnamed muse cheered him on. The oft mending Minister of Housing and, therefore, Reconstruction, delivered a heroic effort. Playing through pain and foe, he tickled the twine, the assist from Alpha One Niner again! Both November 17 and the Minister of Health played revolutionary football as they prowled the wings, keeping control.

The front line embraced the Marxist theory of "Shoot At the Net and the Chains of Oppression Shall Be Broken", as they sent balls resembling Katyusha Rockets of old. After a day of wealth distribution, Agent 19 furthered his equality by scoring, a reciprocating helper from the Minister of Housing and Reconstruction. Sub Comandante Raul Zapata and the Minister of Martyrs pressed the day as well up top, the enemy dogs never allowed to let their guard down.

A glorious day for the grizzled stalwarts behind enemy lines! Hail to thee, hail to thee, hail to thee!

30's Proper, May 22nd:

The strange orb in the sky brought with it confusing heat, as the Great Jersey Debate almost became a tale of shirts and skins, but it was the most difficult part of the day; the perseverance of the TDFC Propers through humidity induced off sides, off passes, and off shots won the day 3-0!

The kowtowed lackey's of a corrupt system brought their best, and through trickery and the compassion of the snarling overseers in yellow, kept it close, although the game was played around them most of the day.

The defense held fast with a few self imposed trials thrown in for excitement, a clean sheet for one Minister of Street Justice left to his own solitude and devices for most of the day. Idle hands indeed!

The eager mids in between smart volleys and aggressively won flighted balls, took the time to test each other, giving an expose on communication for the Devils Advocates on the sideline!

A predetermined proletariat barter agreement between the Young Pioneer and the Young Upstart produced the first two goals, each with the other assisting. The Young Pioneer added the third with a Paul Pot helper, to put any of the oppositions bankrupt theories of comeback safely to rest! And boom goes the dynamite.

Photo's by Special Ops Jag Officer Schubert

Ministry of General Branding Information, RE: May 15

2011-05-19T18:01:00.005-04:00

30's Proper, May 15th:

While the Cruise-esque monkey wrench was taken to the righteous readiness of the Old Boys in the form of oppositional number faultiness; and the Young Ones steadfast, but at the mercy of evil land barons, the Propers were able to represent the Peoples Nation of TDFC in fine fashion, taking to the pitch proudly indifferent to the waning energy and perpetual Tom-foolery of scientology's wet weather mechanism.
The foe, a so called FC Unt.©, whose generic moniker and off-brand potato chips belied the uninspired effort draped in black and white. Comrade Adam AK-47 mowed down the competition early, as is tradition, unfortunately the counter-revolutionary officiating dictated a PK on the play. Up 1-0, the generics© proceeded to leave acres of wing space for many a crossed ball into the center. The Young Pioneer converted three of these opportunities from open play, his first ushanka-trick of the season! Tommy Sickled and Hammered put in one more- a scrappy, bar room brawl, beautifully ugly rebound! Helpers on the goals were from the Ministry of Street Justice, the Goldsmith, and the aforementioned smokeless Tommy S&H.
No amount of duck speak from the opposition about Pub Hero placement or pot stirring on corners could make the difference as, through the downpour, the sun did shine on the Tartan Devils FC! All Hail the Pub!

ushanka

Ministry of Information Dispatch RE: May 14, May 15

2011-05-13T22:37:00.000-04:00

40's Old Boys, May 14th:
TDFC 4.0 traveled to the feudal hinterlands to do battle against the imperial, less than stout, Straub MVU. Unfortunately, the day was not to go the way of the Methuselah Bolsheviks, as they suffered their first setback. After controlling much of the action through the short passing game and ball control, the arsenal of communism fell victim to the light cleated antics of SMVU'S Greg Louganis. The dive resulted in a goal that had head shaking worthy of disability. Counter revolutionary wealth distribution ensued as the Politburo momentarily lost it's senses and a second gift was given to the imperial fops.

Never ones to surrender, TDFC 4.0 fought back as Agent 19 used his powers of disguise, and for a brief moment, looked like a graying Messi as he powered a goal into the back of the net for the good of all. As hope seemed to be diminishing the strong play of TDFC's primary ideologue had Big Brother point to the penalty spot. But alas, Karl Mac's teaching failed to put the dagger of finality into the heart of the imperialist state.

The burdon of the final is not on the Pub Heroes of the sunset, but rather rests on the shoulders of the oppressors as retribution will have it's day and the echoes of lamentation shall be heard throughout the valley!

23's Young Ones, May 15th:
The Young Ones, the pioneers of the TDFC future, took to the field of Century to wage their first campaign, on the unsuspecting invaders amassed from three boroughs. The 'Tri Boro Alliance' did nothing but to fan the flames of resolve in the revolutionary hearts of the Young Devils!
Karl Mac's guidance and tutelage taught the Mac Lads well as they contributed to the cause, a virtual 'Mac Trick'; the strong midfield and smart defense providing many opportunities along with a stellar save by the Hound of Baskerville. Comrade Garrete from the Ministry of Correct Thought assisted his brother in arms, Travis, Ministry of the Interior, who sent one in on a wire. B. 'Bunting' Bartek then proved the distribution of wealth theory by assisting Derek the Elder, who was just warming up, as he launched a second missile of grievous bodily harm minutes later with help from Comrade Strosser. The 3-0 win is indeed a reminder to all despots and harmful alliances! BE WARNED! The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!

Dispatch: Ministry of Information RE: Apr. 30, May 1

2011-05-06T10:31:00.000-04:00

40's Old Boys, April 30th:
The drone of electricity wires and hinterland stalwart desperation hung in air alongside the rotting carcasses of mercantilistic ventures on a day where the calvary arrived not too late, but just in time to give respite to the brave field of the TDFC Old Boys division! The reinvigorating presence of calming comrades resulted in a well worked goal by the Red Benevolence from a throw in by Carlo Bandiera Rossa, deep in enemy real estate!
Regrettably, the local lap dogs of the broken system chose turn a blind eye to atrocities committed in the waning minutes of the match! Apparently the power to obscure rests literally in the hands of a keeper outside the boundaries of his rich acreage. Lo! The heads of all are held high, whilst seething a 1-1 draw! A real reign will come down upon the shuttered heads of the oblivious! All Glory to the Devils of Tartan!

30's Proper, May 1st:
May Day! A new fire is lit for the hard workers of the Tartan Devils 30's! And this day was no different in that regard as the forces of good shared the wealth of round ball distribution with it's many components of the squad.
The Nor-witchian color scheme of the kryptonic foes and the fickle way of a Jupiterian forecaster bonded together to bring the Pub Heroes to the unsatisfying conclusion of a 3-2 setback of minor proportions, though the evasive quality of time was controlled by the Devils throughout the day.
The clever grind of forwards led to the Young Upstart assisting the Young Pioneer on both tallies! The support of all line brigades and Red Book instruction from the sideline lends to the clear path of Glory that is and always will be TDFC!

Photo by Jag Schubert, Ministry of Special Ops

Field Reports RE: Apr. 16 & 17

2011-04-28T17:50:00.004-04:00

40's OLD BOYS, Apr. 16:
Look-a-yonder and all hail! The big black cloud did come to Founder's! The conditions may have been muddled but necessity dictated the day play out in the proudly rooted grass of the brave pitch!
The folly of nature's insidious Tupelo, not the efforts of plutocratic foe, nearly removed a sure win from the grasp of the stoic Old Boys division, having gone up three nil off of goals from the Peoples Martyr, Knotts G. Batterski, and Aaron "You Ain't So Hairy Jerry" Ruben. With not but a minute to spare, the game winner came from a Glorious run made by Aaron "I Ain't No Jerry" Ruben, unselfishly fed from a comrade who chose to stay anonymous in the spirit of sharing for the common good! All Glory to Pub Heroes one and all as distant thunder rumble and black rain come down*!

30's PROPER, Apr. 17:
The land of banjos and road kill called, and Appalachia IS beautiful this time of year. Kudos to the foe for having a 3rd backup field, but no kudos for being the rural imperialist stooges of a broken colonialist system whose incessant tough guy posturing belied their weakness at the back, allowing the Young Pioneer, Paul Pot and the Brazilian Operative goals! 3-1 to the TDFC! Soggy pitch or not, near or far, from the More-lans of the West, from the tenement slums of Trafford, to the rolling rural foothills of the Laurel Highlands just down the road “a-piece” from what we could only best imagine as “Meths-berg, Pennsyltucky,” the TDFC Empire grows!

Photo by: Jag Schubert

TDFC Special Ops

*Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Report From the Trench, RE: Apr. 10

2011-04-14T18:22:00.002-04:00

The miserable tar of the battlefield managed to manifest the sulfur smell of muddy hell to go along with it's miserable state on a day where pleasantness hung in the air, but far above the troops of the TDFC 30's.
The final of 1-0 belies future outcomes against the haphazard mongrel yips of an outmatched foe that calls misery home. After managing possession for most of the day, The Young Upstart was able to wedge the ball of destiny out of the miserable muck, assisted only by the will of The People, and plant it in the net. A flower now grows in Trafford.

Photo by Jenny the Riveter;
Ministry of Photography
and Future Generations.

Midnight Missive, RE: Apr. 3

2011-04-08T00:57:00.003-04:00

   The 30's Division of the Nation of TDFC took the initiative to strike first and strike hard on what will be a campaign like no other in the young history of our fine union. The assault of a league has begun.
   A grey day turned ugly as a contest was shortened by the insidiousness of a scientology weather machine, but no matter as the unleveled playing field bore the brunt of an adjustment minded squad moving as one up and down the bumpy pitch.
   The list of heroes is long on the tally sheet with contributions from WMB Baldwinovich (2), The Young Upstart (2), The Young Pioneer, and the Goldsmith. Helping assists in the 6- nil win came from Dear Leader and Wayne-ski.
   Refreshed, calm and strong is the way of the 30's, with rewritten histories and fictional past*, the mission simple.

Thanks...

Xenu!

*New Model Army

Field Links & Standings Links

2011-04-05T16:05:00.004-04:00

Here, be autonomous!
For Founders Field
http://www.pittsburghharlequins.org/founders-field
For Old Trafford
http://www.pawest-soccer.org/Assets/traffordflds.pdf
For Turner Valley Fields
http://www.pawest-soccer.org/misc/directions/mapturner.htm
For Washington Fields
http://www.pawest-soccer.org/misc/directions/mapwashington.htm
For Graham Park Fields
http://www.pawest-soccer.org/Assets/grahamdirections.pdf
For Century Field
Google Maps link

Also, to keep track of the tables and race for the Golden Boot...
Tartan Devils Old Boys (40's)
PAWEST-adult.org Over 40's standings
Tartan Devils Proper (30's)
PAWEST-adult.org Over 30's standings
Tartan Devils Young Ones (O23 Open League)
PAWEST-adult.org O23 Open League standings

TDFC thanks everyone for their support in all of it's forms!!!

Schedules for all TDFC teams!

2011-03-22T15:18:00.191-04:00

TDFC "Young Ones"
The 23's 2011 Schedule
May 8, home v TriBoro, Century, 4pm
3-0 WIN
May 15, home v FC Brah (Seton), TBD, TBD
POSTPONED. TO BE RESCHEDULED.
May 22, home v Olympia SC, TBD, TBD
POSTPONED. TO BE RESCHEDULED
Jun 5, home v Internationals FC, RMU Island Sports Field, 1:30
3-2 WIN
Jun 19, away v Sewickley, Sewickley Field, 5pm
4-2 WIN
Jun 26, home v Montour, Lower Burkett Field (Montour), 6PM
9-0 WIN
Jul 10, away v Plum Mustangs, Larry Mills Park, 2PM
5-2 WIN
Jul 17, away v Oak Avalon, RMU Island Sports Field, 2PM
1-1 DRAW
Jul 23, home v FC Brah, Century, 1pm
4-0 WIN
Jul 24, home v Olympia SC, Century Field, 5PM
4-2 WIN
Jul 30, PLAYOFFS, v FC Brah, Graham Park, 12pm
4-0 WIN
Jul 31 FINAL, v OAk Avalon, Graham Park, 12pm
3-2 loss

TDFC "Proper"
The 30's 2011 Schedule
Apr 3, away v Westmoreland, Turner Valley field #9, 5pm
6-0 WIN
Apr 10, away v EEU, Old Trafford field #2, 1pm
1-0 WIN
Apr 17, away v N. Franklin, FIELD CHANGE! Carson's Bottom Fields (Mc Guffey Youth), 5pm
3-1 WIN
May 1, home v Heidleberg, Founders Field, 5pm
3-2 IRRITATION
May 15, home v FC United, Founders Field, 4pm
4-1 WIN
May 22, home v Westmoreland, Founders Field, 6pm
3-0 WIN
Jun 5, away v EEU, Old Trafford field #3, 1pm
3-0 WIN
Aug 21, away v Nikola Tesla, TBA, TBA
3-0 WIN, Tesla forfeit
Aug 28, home v EEU, Founders Field, 1pm
7-1 WIN
Sep 11, home v N. Franklin, Founders Field, 3pm
1-1 draw
Sep 18, home v FC United, Founders, 1pm
3-1 WIN
Sep 25, home v Westmoreland United, Founders, 5pm
11-0 WIN
Oct 2, away v Ohio Valley FC, Sewickley, 5pm
6-1 WIN
Oct 9, away v Heidleberg, Chartiers Valley Inter, 4pm
5-2 WIN

PLAYOFFS (round robin)
October 23rd- Round 1- v Westmoreland, N. Boundary Field, 11am
3-0 WIN
November 6th- Round 2- v Nikola Tesla, N. Boundary Field, 1pm

November 6th- Round 3
November 13th- Finals

SRSC says: The information that formerly presented the 30's in First Division was planted by the contradictory beliefs of the organization known as PAWEST in collusion with the baying dogs of Allegheny United. Because of their Thoughtcrime, they will not be sent to Room 101 as is procedure, but instead will be forced to deal with the decimation of the reality in their own heads.

The Mighty Devils 30's are in Second Division and have always been in Second Division...

"Who controls the past... controls the future: who controls the present controls the past."

TDFC "Old Boys"
The 40's 2011 Schedule
Apr 9, away v EEU, Trafford field #2, 5pm
POSTPONED. TO BE RESCHEDULED.
Apr 16, home v N. United, Founders Field, 2pm
4-3 WIN
Apr 30, away v Seneca Valley, Seneca Valley HS, 4pm
1-1 DRAW
May 7, away v Straub MVU, Round Hill Park, 6pm
2-1 IRRITATION
May 14, home v CT United, Founders Field, 2pm
POSTPONED. TO BE RESCHEDULED.
May 21, away v Fox Chapel, Harmarville, 5:45pm
3-0 WIN
Jun 4, home v SC1966, Founders Field, 6pm
3-1 LOSS
Jun 11, away v EEU (make up re:Apr 9), Trafford, 5pm
4-2 WIN
Jun 18, home v CT United (make up re:May 14), Graham Park, 6pm
3-1 LOSS
Aug 21, away, v EEU, Trafford, 5pm
4-2 WIN
Aug 27, home v Harmarville, Founders Field, 4pm
3-3 draw
Sep 17, home v EEU, Founders Field, 4pm
2-0 WIN
Sep 24, away v N. United, C&G Field, 5pm
3-0 WIN
Oct 1, home v Seneca Valley, Founders Field, 1pm
POSTPONED (field conditions)
Oct 8, home v Straub MVU, Founders Field, 2pm
3-2 WIN
Oct 15, away, CT United, Graham Park, 5pm
2-1 WIN
Oct 16, home, Seneca Valley (make up re:Oct 1), Century United Field, 3pm
4-0 WIN

PLAYOFFS (single elimination)

October 22nd, home, MVU, Round Hill Park, 3pm
4-0 WIN

November 5th, away, SC1966, Century Field, 6:30pm

November 12th

For further instruction go to:

https://www.facebook.com/TartanDevilsFC

The Simply Red Scare Collective says,
"You will learn to love us."

The Expansion of TDFC...

2011-03-06T15:42:00.000-05:00

Yes. There's a waistline joke in there, and normally there would be agreement perhaps. In this case though, we're talking teams-type expansion. Even more tribe to echo the beginnings of what we hope is an organization that is around for years to come, waaaaaay after the mud has dried on these boots- ya know? Your Local Pub Heroes now have a Men's Open GPSL team (The Young Lads) and an O40 team has been formed as well (The Old Boys). Along with the O30 squad there has been created a three pronged system. Neither Eastasia nor Eurasia will be able to withstand the might of the Oceaniac-like might of the TDFC Borg!

We are also proud to introduce our new sponsor! Newcastle Brown Ale has decided that we are worthy of their attention and so the 'Walk the Dog Alliance' has begun. We hope to continue the relationship for years to come, so be nice and have a Newcastle or two every now and again! That's The One and Only, Newcastle. If enough of you dog walkers make a dent in some numbers, we'll ALL be styling! Too heavy on the advert? Freedom is slavery, chew on that then. http://newcastlebrown.com/#/the_pub/legend_of_the_dog/walking_the_dog

It would be silly to speak of pub without thanking our benefactor as well for the opportunity to build a soccer club from scratch. Because what we have at our public house is special. It's that bond with a building that includes and exudes the personality within. We thank The Ministry of Piper's Pub for the continued support and our aim is to represent our homebase well, on and off the pitch! All hail the Pub!!! http://www.piperspub.com/

The home pitch for the O30 and O40 divisions will once again be Founder's Field in Cheswick, home of the Pittsburgh Harlequins RC. We thank our friends for working with us so we can continue to play on the best pitch around! Those rugby guys may have hard skulls and funny ears, but they are all right by us! http://www.pittsburghharlequins.org/ The U30 division will be gracing the hinterlands of Graham Park in Cranberry. They're not so shabby out that way either.

   It also behooves the writer to thank the TDFC Founders for getting this all off the ground and for helping to mold it into the shape of things to come. Also all those whose input, opinion and work off the field has been integral in helping this grow. Can we say we have fans? Sure can, why not? That Facebook thingy is pretty cool for this kind of stuff. https://www.facebook.com/TartanDevilsFC
   Those that can, come out and support the matches, celebrate our victories and help us figure the setbacks. It is the desire of all that helps this one idea, a vehicle for tomorrow. Duty now for the future, Devils! (Yer damn right that was a Devo reference!)

   In the past the Simply Red Collective wrote a pretty intensive game report. With the added teams, you may find a more concise commie capsule: scores, maybe a high light or two, some names of young pioneers (not to be confused with the original Young Pioneer), maybe some photo's. Hard to tell how this is all gonna take shape, but it'll be cooler than the other squads in the league that's for sure! Exactly.

   So that's what's going on. It's been a choppy ride these last bunch of months and it was difficult to keep up our end of the Blog Bargain (and it is a bargain), but life can be a little dicey- we'll try to be more on top of all the news, information, and good clean propaganda that you have come to expect from your Local Pub Heroes, Tartan Devils Football Club. Schedules for ya as soon as we get 'em! All hail!!!

TDFC OG13

History, Game 9, 2009 Season

2010-08-15T13:46:00.000-04:00

Referencing August 23rd, 2009
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/08/as-second-half-of-season-gets-underway.html

Hello! I didn't forget about ya'! I've just been busy staying mentally sharp and physically fit, to bring the words of others and sustain the constant crush of clever to the stage that is this here blog! We've got till the end of this year to get last year explained, I figure. No real time schedule beyond that, and we'll do something else to take up the off seasons next year instead of boring history lessons. But for now, let's get you educated!

As always, the prop-poster first, or, thuh aaahrt dahling, thee aahrt! Inspired by a country that didn't/doesn't like the U.S. (who knows, we may be friends now). No not really, it's North Korea! The footprint of the capitalist shoe, leaving it's mark of death, bondage and destruction, was easily translated by the skillful TDFC6 to the cleated image of yours truly to herald the start of the second half of the season with hopes of leaving our mark and monkey wrenching (there is a wrench in the cleat-print) our division.

Speaking of marks: There are a few things going on concerning that there word. The play on words with "Marx" of the Devils and the cleat-print, brainy yes, but pretty obvious. The Marx of the Devils reminds us of Mark of the Devil, and hell, then you land right on top of the 1970 German horror flick by the same name about some bastard witch finders. Kinda ties into the bastard capitalist idea from the original commie poster. Or maybe not, your choice. Moving on with the religious tie in though, brings us to the barcode on the shoe. Which as we've heard at some point in our lives, is actually considered THE mark of the Devil in some religious corners. For our purposes though, the barcode relation in this venue is more along the lines of the dystopian writings we touch on. Evil to some all the same in one form or another, but, I haven't given it much thought. Really.

Boom! goes the game. That may be the most exciting bit, the written 'boom'. Not a lot of factoids in this one and we can thank the game itself for that- it was a pretty slow day at the office. Plus, the history guys took the week off to do some more fancy book learning or something, so it was up to the creative drivel machine to spew the facts as "Red" TDFC would have them. So the explanation is that there really isn't much of one! It's pretty straight forward. I take that back, there was one thing that one might not get: TDFC10 is from Ipswich, our opposition wore the colors of their rivals, Norwich City FC. It actually was like kryptonite to him. His recent surgery may be related to this initial trauma.

Also, it is the absence of our regular photographer for this and future matches that led to the side story concerning his 'misdeeds' in future blogs. He is a rogue and a rebel. Like Sarah Palin. But with a real job. Well sometimes, but only when we needed him.

Dispatch: June 27, Ministry of Such Things

2010-07-21T14:04:00.005-04:00

국영 조선 중앙 방송에 사용되는 김정일의 호칭은 이상하다고 말해 북한 국내 언론에서는 "백전백승의 강철의 영혼 앞으로"라고 찬양하는가, 사실은 실전에서 지휘를 맡은 경험은 없다. 이 칭호는 김일성을 찬양하는 진부한 표현이 의례화된 상태 유용하는 것으로 알려져있다. 국민은 "장군님 (장군님 : 챤군니무)"라고하며, 국내 모든 곳에 그 초상화가 걸려있다. 대표적인 호칭으로 "친애하는 지도자 김정일 동지"가있다, 二言目에서 "김정일 동지" "김정일"라고 말이다. 또한 조선 인민군 내부에서는 "최고 사령관 동지"이라고도한다. 기타, 한때 사용되는 것에 "당 중앙"이있다. "당 중앙"의 용어는 일반적으로 당 중앙위원회로 해석되는 언어 였기 때문에, "당 중앙"단어가 김정일 개인을 가리키는 것으로 판단하는 데 오랜 시간이 걸렸다. 또한 북한의 공식 문헌에서도 "당 중앙"단어가 기관을 가리키는 말부터 점차 개인을 가리키는 말로 양상을 보일 때까지 오랜 시간이 걸려있다.
  현재 직함은 국가에서 공화국 국방위원회 위원장, 공화국 원수, 조선 인민군 총사령관, 최고 인민회의 대의원, 당에서는 조선 로동당 총비서, 조선 노동당 정치국 상무 위원, 조선 로동당 중앙 군사 위원, 조선 로동당 중앙위원회, 조선 노동당 정치국이고, 권력을 한 손에 모으고있다. 호칭에 대해서는 국가의 중요한 직책이다 국방 위원장 (또는 위원장)로하는 것이 정식이지만, 일본의 매스 미디어뿐만 위원장으로하고있다.
  바지와 점퍼를 애용하고있다. 시쿠렛토부쯔를 신는다는 설도있다. 언론에 선글라스를 착용하는 모습이 자주 방영되고있다. 외국 원수와 회담 때 중국 인민 복장과 비슷한 옷을 입고도한다. 초상화는 군복을 착용하고있는 모습도 있지만, 실제로 군복 차림으로 공공연히 나온 것은 보이지 않는다. 김일성은 정장을 착용하는 것이 많았지만, 김정일이 양복을 입고있을 법하지 않다.
  테러를 두려워 있기 때문에, 아버지 김일성뿐만 아니라 비행기 싫어이고 철도로 연결되어있는 중국과 러시아 등 외국을 방문할 때 전용 장갑 열차를 이용 (1965 년, 아버지 김일성에 대사관했다 인도네시아 방문 시간은 비행기 이용이 확인되고있다).
  조총련의 웹사이트에는 "명언 주소록"과 "일화 집"등을 게재하는 김정일 특징이 있고 그 안에는 김정일을 위인이라고 부르고있다.
  통일교 (세계 기독교 통일 신령 협회) 문선명과 관계가 있다고한다. 1992 년 통일교 지도자 문선명과 만나 35 억달러 (약 4400 억원) 무슨 원조를 약속한 경제 협력 관계를 구축했다. 1994 년 7 월 아버지 김일성이 사망한 직후, 문선명의 측근인 박 프로이센 이건희와 회담했다. 통일교의 간부, 박 장관 권한이 사장을 맡고있는 한국의 "평화 자동차"와 합작 회사 "평화 자동차 총 회사"를 설립하여 자국의 남포 (난뽀) 공업 단지에서 자동차 생산을 지휘하고, 국영 " 일반적으로 장 호텔 "사업을 통일교 관계자 지휘하고있다. 2002 년, 문선명의 80 세 기념하여 한국의 인사에 대해서는 매우 이례라고 축하 메시지와 선물을 선사했다. 이러한 북한과의 파이프를 만들었다 통일교는 가족의 "워싱턴 타임즈"사 주홍 동쪽 문장 (추 동 厶 아이콘) 사장이 년 방미했다 야마자키 타쿠와 면회, 다음 2007 년 1 월 10 일 야마자키의 방북 루트를 마련했다라고도한다 [누구?] 그러나 최근 북한 당국은 통일교의 간부를 간첩 혐의로 체포하고는 감시 대상으로하고 있다고 말한다 [30].
  회원 전용 Pyongyang Golf Club (파 72,7700 야드) 코스에서 1 라운드 중 총 11 홀에서 홀인원을 달성했다.
  앞으로 북한 체제가 붕괴되고, 만약 국외 도망을 강요하고 여전히 호화 생활을 보낼 수 있도록 약 3600 억엔의 숨겨진 자금을 유럽 은행에 보유하고 있다고 말한다. 이 기금은 핵 및 미사일 기술의 매각 등으로 얻은 자금이라고한다 [31]. F - ing hot, 5-0? Oh yeah? Why dont you suck on these little Chinese nuts?

The Hangover

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 13

2010-06-20T09:53:00.012-04:00

Let every ear hear of the glory of the People’s Team, the Pub Heroes, The Tartan Devils Football Club! Battling against old foes Peter’s TWP, the People’s Team were victorious, chalking up a 2 - 1 win on the day! Much like the clouds in the sky, heavy with humidity; an oppressive and sad attempt by the Nation of Scientology to align itself with a hoosegow heavy. The Tartan Devils were instead themselves a Red and Black Storm rising to squelch the opposition! It has been said: BE WARNED! The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football! No truthier words have been spoken. On the day, the despotism of the foe, their decadent Enron-esque Peters Township ways, were on display for all to see.

An early goal for the opposition set up a mountain for the TDFC to scale. And scale it they did! The answer to the encroachment by the opposition came in the form of a brilliant cross by first year student Comrade Jeremy from the Ministry of Judgement. The thought of the inevitable along with the pressure and commitment by the TDFC front line, spearheaded by the Young Pioneer, led to the keeper throwing the ball into his own net to avoid the crippling onslaught. An amazing display of collective suggestion if ever there was! 2+2=5 is not a theory, but truth!

Holding the draw might have been enough, given the history of dealing with the opposition (not to mention their goals for ratio), but the TDFC was not content to sit back, fold in and only defend. In addition to solid defense, as masterminded by Kommisar MJ (shifting TDFC back to a 4 – 4 – 2 set up), experimentation has commenced on the Turk-Irish connection at the top between Comrades Ben "Turk 182" and Paul Pot. Intense pressure from the Hammered and Sickled Tommy, along with Comrade "Iron head" Seth (Minister of Nuclear Power) added to the mix. With “Karl" Mac's midfield general-ship, the TDFC tapped into the mantra of our Dutch comrades who gleefully sing “B.U.R.T.”: Build Up Resistance Together!

The final judgement on the day came through the tenacity and determination of the Young Pioneer! As was their mistake from the opening whistle, the foes on the Field of Our Founders miscalculated the desire of all behind the force of one to overcome the repression of our taskmasters! A clever flick and a lightning strike made for the winning score on the day.

This match was a dazzling example of the revolutionary methodology of the People’s Club. Every Devil gave their best, from each according to their ability to the collective need! Fly the Red and Black flag of revolutionary Victory for the People’s Team: The Tartan Devils Football Club! Power to the People, Power to the Pub! Futball for the Pub, Futball for the People, ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE’S PUB!

All photo's by Tracy Brown, Ministry of Photography, Bunker Division

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, June 6

2010-06-12T19:11:00.004-04:00

BE WARNED! The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!

The first month after May Day Month 2010 commenced with the People’s Team, The Pub Heroes of the Tartan Devils Football Club took to the southwestern hinterlands of the city to take on the Heidleberg/Mt. Lebanon club. These oppressive imperialists did little more than engage in a sickening amount of counter-revolutionary duck-speak, except to say that they shipped in their own officials, as capitalistic stooges of their exploitative machine, on the day. Their token tantrums did even less against the People’s Team, as we drew to a 1-1 result!

The culturally deviant oppressive forces moved in front on the day with a goal from a set piece that could best be described as cheap; a crass joke of overloaded proportions. The People’s Team, headed by the Dear Leader and Der Kommissar MJ, is experimenting with revolutionary new formations, and the Oppressive forces took advantage of the adjustments the TDFC were making. The People’s Wayne was motivated and fluid on the wing, as was Comrade Wee Baldwinovich. Tommy (of the Hammered and Sick-led variety) was a BEAST in the Mid-Field, going after the opposition with a revolutionary zeal that was truly an inspiration to all.

The keeper of the opposition made a foolishly decadent sweeping clothesline attack on the Young Pioneer in the final moment of the match. The penalty that followed was a blazing strike that evened the scoreline and showed a more accurate reflection of the day. As Comrade Jason “Gramsci” commented “… it was a moral victory for a bunch of guys without morals.” Well said, comrade!

Again we say, BE WARNED! The nature of your oppression is the aesthetic of our football!

Dubious derby dispatch, May 16

2010-06-02T15:22:00.014-04:00

On the hallowed grounds of Founders Field the fascists of Yinz United defeated the brave Soviet Heroes of TDFC 3-2. The fascist bully boys of Yinz United, led Oswald Mosley and MR. “Iron Lady”, used tactics reminiscent of the early days of the Eastern Front to drive the Tartan Devils from the field. The Dear Leader vowed that this set back would be avenged just as Mother Russia defeated the Third Reich in the Great Patriotic war so will TDFC strike back at the Yinzers. The heads of the Devils are held high!

The crystalline method of the oppositions attack was the key to a quick lead that cast a shadow of momentary doubt over the pitch. The stalwarts of the Peoples team then matched speed with heart and desire to battle the yellow belly derby crashers. With intensity the Young Pioneer, though wounded, struck one for the home front off of a stationary play! The Young Pioneer also engineered his second goal as well, his hard work angling in from the sidelines resulting in a PK as the flustered keeper had no choice but to earn himself the красно through undignified last man play. The resulting inspired firestorm from all Devils willing had the opposition and field judges confused, as all that could be mustered in response was an unfortunate ricochet and a uncalled hand ball resulting in tallies for the foes. Based on overwhelming evidence contrary to what constitutes an actual marker, they were stricken from the record.

In preparation for the future defeat of the Yinzers, the Ministry of Truth and Propaganda hence forth will not be led down the path of deception by the so called Yinz United. The Ministry declared that it is a misnomer to call Yinz truly “United” as this so called team is more of a coalition of various parties such as the British National Organization of Questionable Decision Making, The Ginger Hand Commandoes, and British Union of Fascists. By doing this Ministry of Truth and Propaganda has taken the first step to defeat the Yinzers by declaring their moniker void, because those who control the language control the outcome of history.

Power. To. The. People.

Photo's by Tracy Brown: Ministry of Photography, Bunker Division

Update on the struggle, May 2

2010-06-02T11:55:00.021-04:00

Day 0 + 1 after May Day 2010, the Glorious People’s Team took to the Field of our Founders to set forth against the imperial forces that are the Iceoplex FC. The People’s Team fought hard, and it is right and revolutionary to be proud of every Pub hero that day. The worthy strike from the foot of the Young Pioneer could have easily proven to have been all that was needed on the day, but like Cliff Richards, fascists are always trying to bring the TDFC down. Che James battled swiftly and strongly in goal, but with treachery and back-handedness reserved only for the most dastardly of foes, the Corporate stooges of the Iceoplex drew ahead of the People’s Team on the day. A so-called “penalty” was awarded to the corporate shills of the opposition after the People’s keeper worked like any good proletariat would to clear the 18 yard box.

The deviant actions of the corporation ran so deep as to have re-routed the Ministry of Photography through a series of detours and dead ends, separating the ministry from the entouragical will of the People. In a display of cheap imitation, a member of the invading side set up as if involved with the collective, and proceeded to take account of the day. If not for the keen eye of the Pub Stasi, who knows what kind of spin would have been put on the evidence of the day! The camera was confiscated and this 'Peter Parker' was sent to corporate gulag, one different than the orchestrators of this treason envisioned to be sure. The confiscated camera left little to be gleaned as it exploded. Technicians recovered what can only be explained as questionable data.

The kind of corporate thuggery on exhibition that day belies a truthiness overarching the match. With their generally decadent approach to the people’s game, the corporate shills of Iceoplex will do all in their power to live up to their pseudo-futuristic name. Unlike the futurists of the early 1900s, these adherents of the “new” ape the Italian futurists of the 1920s and embrace their fascist underpinnings. Like Comrade Stephanson said in the 25th chapter of Snowcrash, these types won’t be happy until a courier can skateboard from New York to L.A., simply by going through one franchise parking lot to another. Gross. Long Live the Collective! LONG LIVE THE PUB! Crush the Iceoplexes and all who follow their broken ideology. Futball for the Pub, Futball for the People, ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE’S PUB!

Latent reports from the quest to unite the masses, April's 18 and 25

2010-05-16T10:57:00.037-04:00

Due to an uncalled for assault upon the communication lines of our collective, recent communiqué have been disrupted. Suspected infiltration from forces that would squeeze the life from the workers resolve have positioned themselves to dampen the words of the People! Through countermeasures of our own, we have recaptured the intended missives, if only scraps, of the whole. The Ministry of Information and Reporting along with the Ministry of Photography under the Simply Red Collective will continue to strive to give the People the enlightenment they deserve and will not be dissuaded by the actions of imperialist scum! Onward!

Regarding April 18th, 2010:

All hail the glorious People's Team, the Tartan Devils Football Club! The 2010 season started as it has for years, against the Opus and the Dei, the whining zealot laden side of Allegheny United. At the field of Our Founders, TDFC fought valiantly, fought hard, and fought strong. The score line, much like Judas, betrays the revolutionary truth behind the day. The final breath left the score at 3-2 to the invading missionaries, but does not tell of the passion behind the play of the Devils!

It is unclear the way of the tallies for the day, due to the compromised nature of the report, but know this: the People and the Party were proud to behold the First Among Equals and the Young Pioneer working toward communal objectives for the kingdom, the power, and the glory of the nation of Tartan Devils! Photographic evidence from the contest was all but lost, save this image that the Ministry of Science has yet to authenticate.

Regarding April 25th, 2010:

After traveling far, far, far, into the dirty south, the People's Team came out clean against the new jack adversary of North Franklin! The skies opened up before the contest and immediately after, but the game was dry; a rumored alliance with John Travolta and talk of weather machine technology have been unsubstantiated.
Fragments of the report suggest that strong middle play by Paul "Pot" Coen and Jamie "Ministry of Housing" Deitz leading the way, and indeed getting the deed transferred back to him as he moved the twine of the oppositions net with a worm burner that was not be touched by foe. New additions to the TDFC offered to share in the wealth as well, with John "Lenin" Andrews tenaciously following up his own attempts to nudge in a marker, and Ben "Turk 182" Atabek showing parade worthy might to add a third goal.

The 3- nil win would not have be upheld if it weren't for the efforts of all, including the smart rotation of worthy soldiers from the sideline. Bits of recovered information tell of an aggressive Gang of Four and both keepers doing the way of defense proud, as is reflected by the final score. Glory to The Party that was on hand to flank the opposition in support of Tartan Devils all!
Photographic evidence of the day, in a display of cunning and covert action by the The Ministry of Photography, sent one Tracy Brown to use her savvy to get through the enemy blockade and sabotage attempts to intercept media!

Power to the Pub!

Intermission

2010-04-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

So we've covered the history of half of last season, in fairly quick fashion, and it's filled in some off time nicely. 2010 season starts soon. With these things in mind, we're going to continue to use the explanations of last year to fill in the gaps as we go (off weeks, the break between the spring and fall session), to keep a little bit of continuity.
   The entity known as the Simply Red Scare Collective will keep the machine moving with the propaganda style game reports, and there may be a twist involved here and there as far as that blather is concerned. Short attention spans, ya know? As far as game posters go, regretfully, there won't be one for every game. There will be one for the first half and second half of the campaign, a hand screened print available at the end of each. Not quite sure if there will be any teaser to pique interest yet. Maybe a piece by piece reveal or some crap like that!
   I don't wanna get into how we look going into Sundays or how the roster has changed or anything like that. We'll leave that for whatever. I will say this much: we go out, we play hard, we have a laugh usually at our expense, we win. Always. Oh oh oh... and we have booze after. Always.
   All game announcements will be through the ol' facebook thingy if nothing else! Look out for summer merch from the facebook thingy merch page too! Yahtzee!

Nothing much else to say except, GIVE 'EM HELL DEVILS!!!

History, Game 8, 2009 Season

2010-03-24T11:16:00.000-04:00

Referencing June 17th, 2009

http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/06/dispatch-from-information-ministry-june.html

   The midway point. A milestone, a water mark to compare to seasons past, all one of them. Winning some, learning some, fairly awesome but weary of things to come!

   Because of our success, the paranoia took hold, figuring everyone would be gunning for us come the second half of the season, so in preliminary strike fashion, it was acknowledged BEFORE the second half even began. Take that. So the propaganda poster is indeed as simple as it looks: We are the target of the might of the league. Pure paranoia. *sigh*.
   Not to say these delusions of attack didn't come from somewhere! Here are the inspirations for comparison...

The quote that needs little explanation and meant for inspiration, comes from Mao in a selection of works called "Serve the People", Volume III. Like all of us, he had his moments. Too bad they were offset by numerous instances of monumental "Huh? He did what?!". Extreme narcissism'll do that. Poster= done!

Now the bulk of this particular entry came from the plethora of nicknames that got introduced before the break. A collective effort in this match for sure! But first...

Historical blah blah blah:

The original 5 Year Plan was the Soviet Union's attempt to rapidly develop the economy. There were more, each focusing on some aspect, the first couple focusing on industry. After the Soviets, everybody just had to have their own __ Year Plan.

The Red Brigade is a lefty little group of terroristic boys and girls out of Italy that did most of their damage in the 70's and 80's. There might be a few still kickin' around doin' crimes. Like going to get sushi and not paying.

Ahh, the Great Leap Forward. This was ours in an kind of happening real life little football world kinda way. But as TDFC18 points out the reality of the actual inception... "Mao believed that the communist revolution would become realized through a 'great leap forward' when the people would finally 'get' it and the owners would be toppled...OH, and he thought it'd be global, too. Nice cloud talk, but about as smart as when he decided to kill all those birds, and pests ate all the crops. Oh Mao. When will you learn?"

The nickname game explodes! A dirty dozen of devil debutantes:

TDFC27- gets dubbed AK 47! The Soviet machine gun of choice, sturdy and reliable, but sometimes has an unpredictable misfire.

TDFC2- add 'ski' and you have instant nobility or generic ruski!

TDFC16- Sickled and Hammered! Pre game condition from the night before usually, a play on the hammer and sickle of the Soviet Union. And as we have been taught by Dutch hardcore band Colt Turkey, the hammer hits hard and the sickle cuts deep! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4k1ivKSQpo

TDFC23- a logical play on names with the addition of 'Pot', and nothing more than that is to be gleaned. His second nickname, if your keeping score at home! TDFC22 (who has been the recipient of a fair amount of blunt force trauma to the dome) seems to think there is a visual resemblance between the squat, sicko deceased Cambodian leader of the Khmer Rouge, and our tall, upstanding Irish midfielder. Ehhh, you make the call. Go here http://tinyurl.com/ye9c9mo and you get a Pol Pot photo with a free factoid. That guy was crazy crazy crazy.

TDFC28- Ivan Drago. There is really no explanation. But it's funny.

TDFC5- The Ministry of Housing! It's, like, what he does. For real.

TDFC32- The Ministry of Virtue? Autonomous doublethink, plain and simple.

TDFC29- Commisar of Kommissars to our club! Yes it is what you think it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w4Xulsjo5I

TDFC4- the mighty use of artistic license and legend along with some ruski style retro fitting, and you get Mikhail Baldwinovich! And that's a tall order.

TDFC18- The Red! Always has been, always will be. Respek.

TDFC21- his obsession with A.C. Milan spawned the russianized alteration of Antonio Gramsci, to Gramski, but still alludes to the Italian Marxist intellectual who butted heads with the fascists of his time.

TDFC19- given the byname of a KGB Agent due to his 'jobs' of doing 'nothing really' in the middle of 'nowhere'. Like a spy.

Alright. Decompress. Full brain. Be champions!

Diavolo numero tredici del Tartan

(no picture available at time of press)

History, Game 7, 2009 Season

2010-03-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

Referencing June 7th, 2009
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/06/full-frontal-information-june-7.html

   Allright wrestling fans! More in your face extreme blogging! Not really. We don't drink Mountain Dew.

About the propaganda poster...
   Ohhhhhh another Lenin rip off! Not the jerk from the Beatles, the jerk from Russia. The chiseled I don't know what (aura?), the intensity, the dramatic bar of light across the eyes... are they following me? More spot on diligence from TDFC6 morphing our Tartan Devil to suit!
   Now here's the deal: at this point, the season was going very well and opposing sides seemed to not share in our glory. It seemed very necessary to represent ourselves as an unwanted disease, an infiltration into the league. Using the Subhumans' (an English punk band from Warminster in Wiltshire) song 'Germ' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY6qsyf8l0s&feature=PlayList&p=77ED46D27EDA050F&index=7) for more inspiration, instead of a quote from the Vladster seemed to be the way to go.

Real quick about Warminster: In the 60's and 70's, there weren't enough people living there to manifest visual phenomenon, so everybody just heard stuff. Weird noises. Unexplained weird noises, they called the strange aural vibes The Thing. It took the resulting swarm of ufologist to convince everybody they should be seeing unexplained things too, to go with their unexplained sounds. And they did! Sightings in the thousands over those years. There ya go, the UFO hoo-ha in a small town. No charge.

Now the writing...

A TDFC13, 18, and 22 co-lab-er-a-shun! You got yer sideways comments, toilet humor, and truths all in one glorious package!

The Jabs:

Epoxy was not only a comment on the strange plasticine sheen of the grass, but on the world of suburbia itself, Cranberry in this case.

"Disruptions of strip mall proportions" while referring to the excellent play of TDFC5, also hinted at the condition of sprawl in the area.

The Potty Mouth:

Full Frontal anything is all like, heh, heh.

We will assume the obvious Dick's need no explanation or revisitation.

Apologies to TDFC33 for sullying his two goal feat by referring to it as "a deuce".

"Cleats up, lumpen proles down" is a take on the popular phrase that the kids are using these days. A real life misogynist thoughtcrime.

The Facts:

We let up with a two goal lead. The functional and educational bit from Mao summed up the lesson and was taken from Selected Military Writings of Mao Tsetung, in a letter from the Front Committee to the Central Committee on guerilla tactics. Stay on the attack!

Our division really is wrought with capitalists, imperialists and fascists.

And TDFC16 really did score a goal. It went in, not over! I know!

There! All better, just a little prick! Now that you've had your medicine you'll be able to sleep through those nasty thoughtcrimes you've been having.

History, Game 6, 2009 Season

2010-03-15T21:53:00.000-04:00

Referencing May 31st, 2009
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/06/peoples-team-faced-top-of-table-clash.html

   Hi.

   Onward in the quest to lend clarity to the sometimes historical, sometimes inside, always worthwhile TDFC game reports of last year. OK, it was out of boredom waiting for the 2010 season to start that this whole 'History' interlude manifested. Whatever. Go freshen up, get a drink, sit down. You love it.

   This bears mentioning before it's forgotten: While the http address up top sends you to the original post, the poster for the game being reported on is always in the previous post, so you have to go back to check it out to see what the hell is being talked about if there isn't a side by side comparison happening. Refreshing the memory makes it all make so much more sense!
   This games prop-poster was pure homage* (see side note at end) to our home base of operations, the pubbiest of pubs, the place where fashion and function meet, Piper's Pub (http://www.piperspub.com/)!!! Drew is a good guy; to his family, customers, the hired help, visitors and regulars. His wish for a pub team coming after The Pub morphed over the years into what it was always destined to be: A public house that's a little bit family, a little bit friends. Always welcoming, generally bustling, but sometimes moments of solitude that are just as familiar. Honest and simple, yet layered with the complexities of the traditions of all. Character and the banter to back it up. You can have a building and a name, it will be just that. You need the people that are there to serve you and the people that come in, blurring the lines of customer/acquaintance/friend in a mutual, respectful atmosphere, to make it what it is!

Poster content. Reaaady... GO! More solid work from the soon to be legendary abfu Design team. Pipers are mirrored on either side of a beer engine pump clip designed for the Pub. Glooooorious rays emanating up and highlighting the badge of your Local Pub Heroes! In the middle of history in the making, is history already made. It comes in the form of a quote from a letter written by a Scottish socialist upon his release from jail for anti-war activity during WWI. His name was John MacLean.

Good standing with Mama Russia got him appointed Bolshevik consul in Scotland. Soon after he was on trial for sedition. His dry wit spilling over to the proceedings when asked if he objected to any of the jurors, replied "I object to the whole lot of them." His passion evident as he addressed that same jury before being sentenced in the pokey: "I wish no harm to any human being, but I, as one man, am going to exercise my freedom of speech. No human being on the face of the earth, no government is going to take from me my right to speak, my right to protest against wrong, my right to do everything that is for the benefit of mankind. I am not here, then, as the accused; I am here as the accuser of capitalism dripping with blood from head to foot!" That being said, artistic license is at work here and we would really like you to continue coming to the Pub and buying our gear. We're not so much the dripping in blood side of capitalism. Thank you.

Not actually related.

A snob.

The writing this time is attributed to TDFC18. He makes mention of proles, pure Orwellian slang for the proletariat, the workers... the us. It is fitting that this approach was taken from the beginning. We were up against a team angered by relegation, with a preconceived notion on how things were supposed to be. Above it all, it seemed. Above lil' ol' us fer sure. The same Orwellian approach is used later on. The Ministry of Education and "re-education". The idea of being "taught the correct way" in matters of cultural re-evaluation and counter-revolutionary attitudes is something that most arbitors of social engineering have dabbled in. We are no different in that regard.

The skinny on collective v. individualism, a la tongue in cheek, crossed with truth, crossed with a sort of resignation: "There follows a mention of 'the collective' and how said collective predetermines its fate. The notion here is that we as a team of the glorious people's creation are a collective structure. We disavow the decadent and ridiculous class hierarchy prevalent in so many organizations. That said, LONG LIVE THE CAPTAINS, THE DEAR LEADER, THE CHAIRMAN AND THE PUB BENEFACTOR. See how that works? As I was saying, the power of the people's collective is strong and the predetermination of our own fate, if even for educational purposes is sometimes necessary. Again, more Orwellian rewriting of history! It happend the WAY WE WANTED it to... NO MATTER THE OUTCOME." Preach it comrade!

Now there is the mention of the 'Pub Stasi'. This is derived from the East German secret police, who were horrible dicks and said to have been everywhere during the Soviet era. On your block, at your job, in your school, the apartment next door (again an idea Orwell hammered home)... Here a Stasi, there a Stasi, everywhere... you get the rest. The People's Team learned the opines of our foes through our eyes and ears on the other side of the pitch! Hence was born our secret police, the much cooler, Pub Stasi. Snitches, hold the stitches. Power to the Party!

A little reverent, a little indignant, this installment. I'll leave you with a chuckle and then give you something to think about til next time we get all Orwellian!

* (this is the side note at the end) Homage: ORIGIN Middle English : Old French, from medieval Latin hominaticum, from Latinhomo, homin- ‘man’ (the original use of the word denoted the ceremony by which a vassal declared himself to be his lord's “man”). Who knew?

And from the well of inspiration, 1984:

"In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality, was tacitly denied by their philosophy. The heresy of heresies was common sense. And what was terrifying was not that they would kill you for thinking otherwise, but that they might be right. For, after all, how do we know that two and two make four? Or that the force of gravity works? Or that the past is unchangeable? If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then?"

Pleasant dreams!

History, Game 5, 2009 Season

2010-02-27T20:14:00.000-05:00

Referencing May 17th
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/05/dispatch-from-information-ministry-may_25.html

Welcome diligent followers of good taste. The book report continues! I have to say this particular episode is one of my faves. From the poster to the writing- total package. Religious overtones and odd pop icons thrown together because we can, like Bob Ross says, do whatever we like, because, it is our world! While we're on it, you know what else Bob Ross said? "Ooooh, if you have never been to Alaska, go there while it is still wild. My favorite uncle asked me if I wanted to go there, Uncle Sam. He said if you don't go, you're going to jail. That is how Uncle Sam asks you." Interesting guy.

   Sooo yeah, the prop-poster! How could we resist using the revered and reviled image of Ernesto "Che" Guevara? Exactly! We couldn't. I'm thinking the ease of selling his image as revolutionary fodder, bedazzled and worn by the rich and famous, has him scratching at his empty skull-sockets. And before you jump to conclusions and say, "But aren't you guys the rich and famous?" We are not. Not yet, and only as Cult Status Pub Heroes when we are.
   Back to Che, with a little help from TDFC18: "The face that launched a thousand t shirts!!! Including the undershirt of a striker for Livorono in Italy, who, when playing clubs with fascist supporters, would score and lift his jersey to reveal the face of Comrade Che beneath, just to piss off the fascists! Brilliant!"
   "Born in Aregentina, studied medicine, played footy as a keeper (both his study and player position were linked to his acute asthma), tooled around South America on a motorcycle...realized that revolution was the only way. Took up arms with Fidel and Co. to overthrow Batista in Cuba. After they settled that (to some extent!), Che decided to take the show on the road. He went into the Congo with 13 other Cubans, met up with about 100 revolutionaries there and tried to bring Socialism to the Continent of Africa. Needless to say, it didn't go well. A year later Che tried the same thing in Bolivia. That proved his undoing, as he was killed there trying to spread the revolution, one fight at a time."
   "Pop culture icon? Sure. Real deal revolutionary who would pick up arms and go to the jungle. Yes. Love him or hate him, he's both. And, it pisses off fascists when his image is used, so, that can't be bad, right!?!? RIGHT!!!"
   The quote on the poster? Yup, straight from the horses mouth.

Now normally, we don't use any images of the other team, and when we do, it's only when they are looking stupid, doing something stupid, or have been stupefied, and that is only because we are in the shot doing something amazing. But there is no way the halo around a certain opposing comrade could be denied. That halo is real by the way. He is way nice and a good player as well (we'll protect his identity, he may not be ready for fame). The game summery was based on the photo taken during the game. And you know what? I did a little investigation and this guy is EVERYWHERE!

The game report is a hard to pass up play on words that starts off with a mention of a Marxist-Satanic revolution. Says TDFC22: "I thought since we were playing against Jesus and we are the Devils, it was only appropriate that I combine leftist theory with Satanist practices." In between nails, crosses, Falwell(Ministry of Misinformation), Holy Hand Grenades (Monty Python), smoking(chasing the dragon) and virgins(you) there are a couple bits worth clarifying. The opiate haze mentioned refers to Karl Marx's belief that religion was the opiate of the masses; that it was used by the ruling class to manipulate the lower. A vehicle in which if the bottom obeyed the top, and didn't make waves, no matter how big the dump was that was being taken on their heads, they would be rewarded. When they were dead. Awesome! Simply, Marx believed that religion acted as a drug to sedate those who might act in a revolutionary manner.
Then there's the blip about Opus Dei. The writer: " ... is a very conservative catholic lay organization that believes in mortification and other wacky right wing stuff." Mortification by the way, as Webster from the Ministry of Dictionary tells us is 'the subjection and denial of bodily passions and appetites by abstinence or self inflicted pain or discomfort'. A little self control instead perhaps?

A couple more things came out of this report. TDFC8 got his nickname: Karl Mac's, an obvious play on Karl Marx. And the infamous photo was taken. The one that would be used for the the now controversial, bane of one, amusement of many... TDFC32's Fat Head. Friend him on Facebook!

diablo número trece del tartán

History, Game 4, 2009 Season

2010-02-12T00:50:00.000-05:00

Referencing May 3rd
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/05/dispatch-from-information-ministry-may.html

Moving on with the slightly indulgent, but highly informative, time and space consuming thing that are these here explanations, we clear the air and plow onward. At least something is being plowed around here.

So this poster, well, it got kinda deep. It happens occasionally, so I just wanted to give you the heads up. On the surface it may be nothing overt, but hopefully you can see the clues and how it tied together in concept. I may be absolutely full of shit though too. Feel free to suggest that I am.
To ease into it, the title of the poster insert on the blog was 'Destroy All Monsters', a 1969 US release of a Japanese Godzilla and friends flick.

The caption on the prop-poster itself, "Monsters of all kinds shall be destroyed", comes from Mao Zedong's handy dandy Little Red Book, Chapter 7, Dare to Struggle and Dare to Win. Better known as: We Don't Wanna Fight Ya, But We Will If We Gotta, You Imperialist Running Dogs. A free copy with every beating, which is what you got if you we're caught without yours. 'Required reading', get it?

   Since the quote was from Chairman Mao, it follows that the poster was inspired by one of his. Except where Mao would be centered with glorious rays emanating from him, there is a football. It just makes good sense. Instead of the adoring masses emulating him, there are smiling voodoo doll type creeps coming at you, with sickles and hammers and scythes and pitchforks and barbed wire in the rays (all of which were kinda thrown in as symbolic fluff for accent really).
   Now here's where it gets a little introspective. Maybe the news was on in the background. Maybe it was something I ate. Not sure but, who are the real monsters here? The viewer? The government that renders people unrecognizable? Circumstances that render monstrous situations? All far too deep for a damn poster! But the label at the end confirmed what it all was; In referencing a song called 'Monsters' from Florida punk band the Pink Lincolns, "People are more hideous than monsters." In some way I had thought about it a bit much, but maybe that's all it comes down to, that quote. Smile, it's over! The poster still kicks ass whichever way you look at it.

   Some highlights that may need explanation, a la TDFC22:
- "The whine of the capitalist machine is just a take on how much Norwin Gold was squawking about every play, and relating their name 'Gold', to capitalism."
- "Reactionary play was just juxtaposing reactionaries with leftists, then also tying it back into how they wanted to turn the clock back on every call that went against them, just like true reactionaries."
- TDFC15 earns a nickname! "The nickname comes from the fact that 'Stalin' means 'man of steel'. So after he took a serious knock to the head and kept playing, I thought it only fitting he should be called Stalin Head, a man with a steel head." The Stalin being referenced in name only here would be Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili, or Joseph Stalin. 'Uncle Joe' to the United States during WWII, this cult of personality type loved the Gulag penal system. He was a real douche that way.

It was mentioned that a little deserved to be said about the Minister of the Ministry of Photography, so here it is: If you notice a quiet Chelsea fan (THAT sounds weird) at Piper's, looking content with a bag of crisps and a pint, and you think that he's laughing at you, on the inside somehow, well, that is Jack. And I do believe he has a running commentary going on in his head. A talented young buck what who takes amazing pictures, Jack does what he can when he can and we pay him what we can, when we can. That is if it doesn't involve actual currency. We appreciate that he enjoys what he does and supports the team and the Pub, and are honored to have his help. Check him out at www.jackmegawphotography.com.
So you may notice that there are times when Jack isn't available, blowing us off to play atari or something. It kinda gets incorporated into the writing fer sher, but it also means somebody has to take something! This time it happened to be from a cell phone. The nephew of the picture taker was involved in a concept for school called the Flat Stanley Project. This venture is based on the children's story in which the character, Stanley, gets flattened by bad parenting. He goes on adventures, etc. The update is to have kids make their own Flat Stanley, go networking, and keep a journal of all the contacts. Like the KGB. So came the Flat Stanley Alliance. The tag underneath the photo gives credence to the women (embodied by 'Rosie the Riveter') working the factory's during WWII, with propaganda posters to match the enormous effort put forth by the hardworking 'Rosie's'.

So yeah. There's some stuff for ya! Come to a game, buy our gear, visit the Pub!

Diablo numero trece del Tartan

History, Game 3, 2009 Season

2010-02-07T09:28:00.000-05:00

Referencing April 26th
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/04/let-every-ear-hear-and-every-tongue_29.html

Good morning class! Here we are to humbly explain previous snow-jobs. Ready? Here goes... The side by side for the prop-poster will work again, cause it is an altered CLASSIC. Classic in America since 1917 and then some, but the idea was based on a series of British war recruitment posters featuring some Lord Fancy Pants in 1914. If we're gonna throw the word around, I would say those were pretty classic too. I want YOU to check it out: Pretty much put a cool head in place of the old head. The old head by the way is the artists own face, slightly modified. His name was James Montgomery Flagg (get out!).

   The easiest part may have been the lettering. Once again, manipulating the Devil was the biggest challenge. Sometimes it takes way longer than ya think. Early on, the idea was in place to warp some originals, but manipulating a 2D image takes a little doing to get it right.
   Every poster also has 'For further instruction', and then the web address. This one is fairly prominent so it may as well be mentioned. The phrase is inspired by the whole If You Are Against The Grain You Will Be Re-Educated kinda' scenario that plays out in so many totalitarian horror plots. And sometimes in real life.

   I now give you fancy book learnin'! From the top we have a bit calling for different tax brackets to rally around the glory of the TDFC. A nice bit of thought, that all working folks are working class, "orthodox class consciousness" says TDFC18.
   Now sometimes it's necessary to take friendly jabs at the opposition. Cause it's fun. In this instance it is over the name of our opponent. Our writer:
   "Dynamo was used widely in the former Soviet Union (still a few Dynamo teams around... Kiev springs to mind). We figure, they're not down for the struggle, but they'll use the name? Weak. We have a deceptively unrevolutionary name, BUT WE BRING IT."
   The moniker bestowed upon founding member and confidant TDFC10 makes it's debut! The First Among Equals is the translation from the Latin 'primus inter pares', a phrase used to indicate seniority in a group of the same rank.
   And who the hell is Lev Yashin? Why he's just some guy who revolutionized the position in his day and is considered to be one of the best ever! He played for Dynamo Moscow and the CCCP all through 50's and 60's. And he always wore black. Like some other dude (shown not in black).

The Tartan Devils play four flat in the back, soooo Gang of Four it is! The Marxist proto-punk/funk band from Leeds came to mind first, their inspiration being the Gang of Four that was in prominence during the Chinese Cultural Revolution (1966-76). Chairman Mao coined it while warning his ex, who with the other three were later found guilty of crimes of treason, through their anti-party antics. Went to jail, released and deceased.

Our own Chairman being spoke of is a fixture at Piper's Pub; a knowledgeable supporter present at every game on the bench, lending his wit, wisdom and insight to our proud squad. He calls 'em as he sees 'em, wrong or right, and is a guy who truly cares, a friend indeed. And he does it for free. Thank you Tony!

The others...

Bench Mob! A remarked upon observation by TDFC19 of the sometimes riotous TDFC men awaiting deployment. Big time hearts and always talking, whoever is waiting in the wings comes in to make a difference. A 'sixth man' as it were, a basketball thing, considering the source.

Communique' and Politbureau? Decorated terms for passing notes to the rest of the gang.
ALOT of info for this one, so I'm gonna save the introduction of the Ministry of Photography for the next one, but let it be known, the photographs of Jack Megaw made their debut for this game!

History, Game 2, 2009 Season

2010-02-01T17:24:00.000-05:00

Referencing April 19th
http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/04/unbreakable-teamof-freeborn-drunks.html

Soooo, now that I've been accused of being a 'blogger' (it was said to hurt, and I am, really), we press on with the telling of things and stuff.

This poster was one of the ones where things may be a little more understandable: a rein-visioning of an original, no vatican cover ups, no mysterious Lost agenda. A rip off. But that doesn't mean there isn't anything to explain!

Now, the deal with my 'rein-visioning'. ALL FINE AND DANDY WHEN YOU ARE THE GUY WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA! For the person who has to do the computer work, a little bit of a test. A test of patience more than anything most likely, but also a timed test! We need to get this crap up in a few days, right!? Let me tell you that TDFC6 is one of the most talented and clever people I have ever met. And to have somebody breathing down your neck in an attempt to somehow help while you click and morph and listen to this manic stream of information the whole time. TDFC6=

It must be a labor of love. I am sincerely humbled because of her skills and we are lucky she enjoys what she does enough to donate the time she puts in. OK, less ass kissy, more talky.

From the top! The tag line of 'Sometimes history needs a push' is a quote from the chiseled maw of Vlad Lenin himself. In a break with the Marx idea that the workers would naturally rise up revolt against their oppressors, Lenin thought that professional revolutionaries needed to be planted in their midst to be shown the way. Which then led to the whole Bolshevik thing, and that's no bullshit. Our correlation would be that through our propagation we will be instigating the notion of the TDFC revolution in a grass roots kinda way: pub, footy, people... whoo hoo! Dance party! The start of Tartan Devil history as a club. Remember this thing is supposed to still be around long after we're gone!

This poster also introduces Founder's Field, our home pitch, home of the Pittsburgh Harlequins (www.pittsburghharlequins.org). A great group of guys, but particularly Jarhead and Rosey, who have been instrumental in letting us reap the benefits of their hard work (read as: irony). Class acts with a class facility! From there, we have my infatuation with gears and cogs making an appearance, our standard color scheme, abfu, and standard mention of Piper's Pub and Murphy's (both of which will be gotten to later).

PITTSBURGH HARLEQUINS

RUGBY

Now howsabout some clarity? The anthem that begins the game report is a paraphrasing of the Soviet Union national anthem, and understandably, not catchy, as pointed out by one of the Devils Tarts. (As a side note, there is an anthem in the works. We just have to figure a savvy way to use 'country').

The oft used bourgeoisie goes like this: "Marx broke the world up into the proletariate, or workers...and the bourgeoise - or the owners. In that light, you either own everything and produce nothing...or you own nothing yet produce everything. Uncle Karl took this as ass backwards and wrote about it with Li' Freddy Engles." - TDFC18.

Which brings us to the whole Year Zero thing. Interesting concept for sure in a what has become a very 'nothing to see here, that never happened' way that has been repeated by numerous versions of the commie world. As explained by TDFC22: "Year zero plus one refers to when Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge came to power. They believed in the words of Henry Rollins, in that you had to "break it all down in order to build it up again," so they even changed the calendar. The year they took over became year zero. I added the plus one to represent that it was TDFC's second year, even though 0 + 1 does not equal 2."

This entry also begins the naming of a Proletariat of the Match, in this case, TDFC23, who is referred to as a T 34 tank. The T 34 was World War II Soviet Union vehicle considered by some to be the greatest tank ever.

There was an incident this particular game where TDFC16 was on the receiving end of a veeery cowardly sucker punch in our box. His reaction was the expectation of a call. None came. The reaction of our keeper that day, TDFC17, earned him an early nickname, that being associated with the Ministry of Street Justice. It was his full intention to exact that, but reason and decorum won out. I bring this up because ministries were what the Soviets called their government departments. You will find there is license galore in ministry usage! You can trace it to 1984 by George Orwell as well, though in that context it would have been the Ministry of Peace, in doublethink terms. We'll get to more of that stuff later.

One more first before we go! The photo's taken by an injured TDFC5 that day led to the realization that if we were to properly document the campaigns of the mighty Tartan Devils FC, a Ministry of Photography would have to be created...

History, Game 1, 2009 Season

2010-01-26T02:29:00.000-05:00

Referencing April 5th

http://tartandevilsfc.blogspot.com/2009/04/let-every-heart-leap-and-every-ear-hear.html

All right, I'll start off with the prop-poster in the explanations, I figure, cause they come first.

The initial art was preceded by a slew of ideas. I wanted it all: rays of glory, gas masks, riot cops- a real scenario, like it was a premonition. And it was. If I remember correctly, our finishing that game was a reaaal riot! The tag 'Join the Fight' was taken from the IWW, and had leftist roots.

Here is the absolute flood of thumbnails that came out in about five minutes after days of researching actual posters. It may not make sense to you, but somehow, TDFC6 reads my manic scribbles and reference material like a novel. The one that is circled is the one that we went with. Kinda, w/out the roster roll call. Gas mask! Riot cops! Over 30 soccer team! Like I said, sometimes stuff was just subjective, a result of the personalities involved. The fonts used were a mishmash of asian, russian, cuban and american 'looking'- depending on the tone of the art. Some, besides the obvious, maybe were similar to a language from a non communist place. Don't care. Artistic license. All nations use propaganda anyways.

Some ideas crossed with others, some never made it, and then when planning got more concise, there was a spontaneity, with sometimes little or no preliminary work. I'm a big fan of first ideas being the best. Save your judgement, it works most of the time except for when it doesn't. The 'copyright abfu 2009' makes it's debut as a design team. The small tag of 'Power to the People' sourcing 'All power to the people,' the 60's protest slogan underneath it and in direct opposition brought us great joy.

Now something you can chew on. Facts. Facts for no reason, facts for reasons, but an intellectual stew that looks and tastes good all the same.

The 'Great Leap Forward' TDFC18 mentions references the Chinese plan to get right through agriculture and industrialization in the late 50's. If you must know, it didn't work too good. Our writer also likes to go to the 'hinterlands', or uncharted areas, cleverly used, as it also is described as going beyond the riverbanks. City folk going god knows where to play some footy. There are some names thrown in to inspire our revoltionariness (oh, I will make up words and use bad english when it suits). I think the words of the author should be used in some instances. I'll probably do that a lot now that I think of it...

TDFC18:

"I use Bonds because he was the Becks of his day (superstar, married to a pop star, the whole thing) EXCEPT he was ENCOURAGED to tackle, studs up from behind! The same with Chopper Harris. He was known for those crunching tackles. Plus, he shares the name Harris with Steve Harris from Iron Maiden who is a huge West Ham supporter... like me! Likewise, Bobby Moore is #6 from the West Ham squad of the 1960s that had a big spot on the World Cup winning 1966 team. Iconic... Marx, Engles, Harris (both), Bonds and Charleton ...all icons.... not Icons of Filth... that's a different story... but icons nonetheless. Freddy Engles was Marx's main man. He was the partner of Marx in writing the Communist Manifesto and spreading the word."

This first Blog From the Struggle also marks the beginning of the nickname game. Sometimes there is some roundabout relation, sometimes it just made sense, but most of the time I think we were at the bar after training or a game and were drinking (except TDFC18, he doesn't need your crutches, he's funny au naturel). But back to the thing about the things:

The Dear Leader in question refers to TDFC7, one of the captains and creators of the team. The reference is to Jong-il, the interesting little man from North Korea. The official title of Jong-il is not to be confused with his dad, who was known to the masses as the Great Leader.

The new guy, TDFC33, became known as the Young Pioneer, a term used for what are pretty much communist boy scouts. There is no relation to the Devo anthology, 'Pioneers Who Got Scalped'.

So there's some stuff. Not too in depth but enough to get it. Nobody wants to read a book report or some huge player profile. We'll save the profiles for the Tartan Devils trading cards.

The 'History' of the 2009 Propaganda Campaign

2010-01-20T23:55:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by explaining that the mission here is to fill in some space between now and the beginning of the season. In doing that I'll explain references, historic and otherwise, as well as what is going on in the posters. In trying to be true to form, I will explain Simply Red Scare as our jersey numbers, a la The Prisoner (a British series from the sixties that had a collectivism/ indoctrination slant to it and one man's quest for individualism- heavy). But don't be surprised when some things are just plain subjective.

(Close your eyes and imagine the Dating Game theme playing here (or to you smart folks, Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass). I will learn how to put music where it needs to be then the Blog will be even more threatening with it's over the topness!)

   Myself and TDFC6 are responsible for the art. We chose the style cause it's fun to do and pretty dynamic and the obvious want to spread the word about the Tartan Devils FC- propaganda style- get it?- the Blog seemed to have to go with it. Some posters are a direct homage to an original. Some started that way, then we got a little sidetracked, but the feel of them is always within the format. We replaced imagery that suited our needs and made it pertinent to the 'thing', along with some actual quotes from commies. Sometimes it was only a matter of having something that simply appealed to us and we went with it. There are nods to those that help and support us, like the guys that hand screened the posters from www.PrimordialPrints.com
   The colors are all black, red, grey, and white and that is intentional (a fair amount of black and red in communism, yeh?), as the squads colors are black and red. Happenstance really, but it plays well into the whole thing. If our colors where orange and purple we would have used those for our images, thankfully that wasn't the case. Black and red is way punk rock. Some might claim that a certain EPL club was the basis of our kit colors. We'll leave that to conjecture. Each poster took about 6 hours to design and execute, sometimes more. I'm the sketch things out guy with a plan and a funny way of thinking. TDFC6 has amazing computer skills, realization of visions, and always something to add. We both went to art school, although she designs for a living while I should go back to school and learn how to use a computer.

   The writing is also a collaboration. If you see a lot of 'glory' this and 'glorious' that, that would be TDFC18 and the literary tricks of agitprop discussing the struggle.  He's a teacher who has an interest in literature and composition, history, cultural studies and Marxism. He started his formal study of Marx in the early 1990s and it has only grown since then. There some smarty pants degrees mixed in there too. His writing comes across as if the new day truly is dawning on the perfect system, TDFC.
   Any scathing, venomous, seemingly on the verge of Kim Jong Il crazy comes from TDFC22. He's MMA fighter masquerading as a librarian with multiple degrees, including a masters in history. During graduate school he wrote several papers on American Anarchists. He was a card carrying member of the Industrial Workers of the World and a one time member of the Democratic Socialist Party. Classic political punk and a politically minded grandfather formed early leftist leanings.
   Both those guys are heavy on the facts. Anything that looks like a play on words or some bullshit, that would usually be me. All the same, it comes together to further the cause of making Tartan Devils FC always come out ahead, always look better than the opposition, and always something you want. Win, lose, or draw.

   So there's some background. We do it for fun. Have fun yerselves. Buy our stuff.

End of Campaign Post: Operation Bagration, November 1

2009-12-10T18:48:00.000-05:00

The Dear Leader has decreed that the history of Operation Bagration (the second tine of a Devils pitchfork campaign to win the coveted PA West Men's Over 30 1st Division Championship), BE STRICKEN FROM HISTORY! This justifiable and necessary action was taken to counter the travesty that took place on the pitch in TDFC's loss to CT United. The entire game was wrought with imperialistic shenanigans, violations of internationally recognized norms, and fifth column activity. So with great insight the Dear Leader has chosen to wipe out all mention of this affair and instead has directed The Ministry of Truth to celebrate all things "Dear Leader".

The "Dear Leader" stands at 6 feet 12 inches tall and has an intellect to match his glorious height.

The "Dear Leader" descended (along with his testicles) from a nonexistent place called heaven, and because of his divinity and charm, he is the true opiate of the masses.

The "Dear Leader" is both a barrister and an attorney, and has resolved many a legal case with his sharp intellect.*

The "Dear Leader" recently played for the English National team but refuses to be recognized for this accomplishment as the English National team is a fascist organization run by a Mussolini-esque manager.

The "Dear Leader" remains an excellent golfer, though since his first outing has refrained from playing in order to give others a chance to win (his first outing produced multiple holes in one and 38 under par).

The "Dear Leader' is the worlds tallest midget and not surprisingly, a committed Manchester United fan.

The "Dear Leader" once a year picks one team to banish to the third circle of the proverbial hell (also known as League One), and this year has decided that team should be Ipswich Town FC, because the Dear Leader feels the greatest thing in life is to crush the First Among Equals, to see him driven before the Dear Leader, and to hear the lamentations of the First Among Equals.

*See the landmark case "We Have the Field Until 9:00 v. No You Don't, We Have It At 8:30.

End of Campaign Post: Operation Uranus, October 25

2009-12-10T17:57:00.000-05:00

All hail the mighty Tartan Devils FC whose quest to destroy imperialistic football took yet another great leap forward as it embarked on the grand mission to capture the PA West Men's Over 30 trophy!

To accomplish this grandiose pursuit, the Dear Leader devised a true Marxist-Leninist strategy that consisted of three operational plans: Uranus/ Bagration/ Saturn.

The first fork of the Devil's tine- Operation Uranus- went as the Dear Leader scripted. TDFC took the field against the baying din of the Opus dags from the Allegheny United front. The clock then beheld our Pub Heroes proceeding to physically, verbally, and spiritually crush the AU, ending their mass opiate pedaling ways for the season.

The first nail that began the crucifixion was hammered home when "Karl" Mac's PK found the back of the net. From there all the whine at the party couldn't stop the Devils onslaught, nor could cool Jesus change it into Ripple! The next nail came as Wayne "The MIG Jet", flew down the and fed a perfect cross to the Young Pioneer who finished the job neatly. A third nail came when The MIG Jet yet again kicked in the afterburners and shot a perfect cross into the twine. The superfluous forth nail came when Uncle Joe channeled the spirit of Stalin and purged all hopes of AU rising from the dead with a "Dom"inating goal. To finish off the Dear Leaders Uranus crucifixion plan, The Minister of Propaganda, Airwave Committee - Mark "Molitov" Madden- placed a verbal crown of thorns on Allegheny United' pony tailed Judas. The Minister tossed out bawdy witticisms that left the Judas fearing that he would be 'hamburgled' for his Thought Crimes!

The victory allowed TDFC to move to the next step of the Dear Leader's operational plan: Bagration!

Empty Dispatch, October 18

2009-10-21T18:03:00.000-04:00

Oh what a game it would have been Comrades! The valiant side of Tartan Devils FC symbolically sewing shut the gaping maw of the Tarnished Gold of Norwin (now hiding behind the jovial moniker, Yinz United). Instead the outcome can only be supposed, a cancellation, to the relief of the foe.

Picture the seasoned machine that is Tartan Devils FC, the gears working to the final result of victory: The Forwards, the ever onward rushing Vanguard of the Proletariat, rendering the opposing defense helpless; The Revolutionary Red Tartan Brigade Midfielders in transition frustrating all; the Iron Will of the Gang of Four materialized into impassable reality for vain attempts by the competition; and The Bench Mob- exactly that, ready and willing to overwhelm with understood purpose. And all the calm while, instruction and adjustment being sent in from the voices of The Party.

But not to be. Younger members of The Statesurmise the Glorious Pitch of Our Founders to have been sabotaged by a fairly new and nefarious organization of Scientology, their plans for controlling the skies with a 'weather machine', finally come to fruition. Elder Statesmen say it is a matter of happenstance and the campaign of the assimilation of states is an inevitable conclusion, merely delayed.

On, on, on to the Cup and it's symbolic glory! The bridges are burned behind us, there's waiting guns ahead! Into the Valley of Competition TDFC! Glory to the Party, the Pub, and the People!

Communism and Prohibition

2009-10-16T18:01:00.000-04:00

Cold War Report, October 11

2009-10-16T17:19:00.000-04:00

Victory Through Defeat! The Class(y) War continues!

In a hard fought match the Tartan Devils FC forced CT United’s black shirted baying sheep to accept a 1 to zero win. The decision of the State to allow the opposition to eke out a victory was based on pure socialist group thought. The Tartan Devils chose solidarity with the masses in the second division over “hob-knob jobbing” with the elites of the first division next season. In order to fulfill this self fulfilling prophecy, all that was needed was the will of the people and the masterful generalship of the Dear Leader. With his smoke filled commands ringing in their frozen ears, the "Red" Tartans marched onto the field with socialistic fever burning in their hearts!

The TDFC comrades fought for every ball and inch of the pitch. No greater example of this challenging spirit was the play of Eric the Red. Who hunted down every foe, followed every instruction, and placed a well timed tricky ball on net. With many commenting that due to his socialistic play, he should be called “Fred-Eric” Engels. For his efforts he is recognized as a “Hero of the Soviet”.

Another valiant player who showed the true signs of group thought moxy was Karl Mac’s play. It was an example to the entire collective as he directed all on the pitch and showed the iron- like nature of a man set on bringing down the bourgeoisie as he fought through fouls and poor field conditions. For his play he is award the honorific title of “Überbringer Sozialismus unt Zerstörer ein Brot Linie”

In a startling but yet expected outcome, the actions of Paul Pot earned him the “First Order of the KR Chapeau.” His mere presence caused the looser cannons of the upstart opponents to lash out in a truly imperialistic manner as Paul was able upset the elitist intellectual among CT United, goading them into poor decisions and penalties.

The volley of balls, while exciting outdoor, was trumped by the draw of the salacious volley indoors, an investigation has found. Details are incidental and the process of redirection has been initiated. An inside report has suggested that all visual records of TDFC have been left to the imagination. Borderline Thought Crime! The Ministry of Photography in acquiescence to the laws of the State, is being re-educated and will prove useful in the work camps.

Rust Never Sleeps

2009-10-09T01:05:00.001-04:00

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, October 4

2009-10-09T00:09:00.000-04:00

The Glorious Soviet Republic of Yinzerstan shout with victorious tongues! The People’s Team, the Tartan Devils FC defeated top of the table foes Allegheny United 1-nil. A cool grey day at the Field of Our Founders, proved to be as beautiful as the sunshine on the first day after the revolution!

A slightly compromised roster for TDFC proved to the benefit of all absent and present, as Comrade Alex DeLarge, Comrade Nando, Adam AK and Comrade Seth were more than a Gang of Four… they were a mighty IRON CURTAIN of defense! In between the pipes, Che James was a stalwart. He let nothing in (to the delight of Mr. Mckenzie) and directed with confidence from his citadel in the back.

The incessant bay of the wolves at the door was made into a whimper as the People’s Poet used laughter and his world famous Trotsky poem to draw the warmongering opposition into taking an ill advised yellow card. The foul committing AU counter-revolutionary will have nightmares for eternity as the People’s Poet verse runs through his head:

Today, I saw a dog,
Yes, a dog.
Talking to a pig,
Yes, a pig.
They were on the pavement,
Discussing Trotsky.
Not brotsky or crotsky or drotsky or frotsky.
But Trotsky...

*absorb*

The Midfield and Front were a constant rotating cast of revolutionary characters, including a good show from the Bench Mob. The truly collective energy of TDFC was realized and put into mock materialist proof by Comrade Brenton “Lumpin "Ain't Gonna Lump No More" Maclean” Wilson. Goalkeeper by trade, Comrade Brenton scored the only goal on the day with a willful guided blast buried in the upper right corner of the opposition’s net. The Dear Leader – nursing an injury – put Comrade Brenton on the front lines, not as a sacrifice, but in a grand sweeping moment of brilliance! Glory to the Dear Leader! Praise to Comrade Brenton! The Peace of Landru be with all!

This weeks Proletariat of the Match is a shared affair (tres communal!) – Keepers share the glory! Che James held them out at one end of the pitch, while Brenton (formerly) of the Lumpin put them in at the other end of the pitch! Power to the local Public House and all that it entails!

The ongoing investigation into the relationship between the Visual and Communicative branches of the Ministry of the Republic and the suspected collusion of the photographical branch of said committees with yet to be discovered division of 'actors' presents an ongoing look see.

You'll Never Drink Alone

2009-10-03T04:12:00.001-04:00

Ministry of Records, Current, September 27

2009-10-03T04:09:00.000-04:00

DEVILS OF THE WORLD UNITE, the revolution continues! With each game the Tartan Devils march lock step toward the ultimate goal of egalitarian socialistic conquest. In order to achieve this goal and fulfill the will of the people, it is sometimes necessary for individuals to lead the collective by example. After going down 1 - nil to the grease greedy capitalistic soldiers of Mount Lebanon, the Devils needed such a willful comrade!

The Devil who chose to answer the call of revolutionary zeal was Tommy “Sickled and Hammered” Butler who earned Proletariat of the Match. By his actions he sparked his fellow comrades to fell the season weary dogs of the pitch. Fighting for every ball and not letting the opposition counter attack Tommy help inspire and set up the tying goal. The wise man of the midfield Ho Chi Neal was the recipient of the feed from the inspired, and after an impressive burst, then sent a perfect pass to the Young Pioneer. The Young Pioneer fired by the actions of his fellow comrades buried the ball in the back of the net with the poise of a MMA librarian.

With the goal in hand TDFC came to life as both the offense and the defense played real horrorshow! The defense held strong in the latter half of the game as the newly adjusted Gang of Four supported Che in goal. Their actions in turn led the midfield to be able to feed the hungry “Popular” Front 2 balls a plenty.

Though the TDFC was not able to break the stalemate with the Mt. Lebanon running dogs they were able to serve notice to all future opponents that the "Red" Devil Army is on the march! With guidance from the Central Committee (Mao Ze-Tony, the Dear Leader, and Commissar MJ), support from The Party, and inspired “vanguard of the people” play, the only outcome is victory and the achievement of a true peaceful collectivist pitch. As always: All Hail the People, All Hail the Party, All hail TDFC!

The state sponsored visual media blackout will continue. In scandalous fashion, the Ministry Of Photography is suspected of working with enemy 'actors' and is being held under suspicion for crimes against The State, crimes against The Party, and crimes against himself.

To think... peace

2009-09-24T22:17:00.001-04:00

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, September 20

2009-09-23T15:42:00.000-04:00

Let every ear hear, let every eye see, the setting sun of fascist imperialism and the rising of the Tartan Devils Football Club, The People’s Team!

The Glorious People’s Team met with the oppositional Iceoplex, and as the late summer sun set, so did the hopes of the competition to be victorious. The TDFC had a glorious win of 2-1 on the eve.

The day started with an innocuous moment when Comrade AK Adam was stung by a counter revolutionary insect, not knowing that a page would be taken from the guerilla tactics of the little beasty. A moment to be reflected upon later in reviewing the day!

Les Orangemen de la Glace made their presence known through the constant whine of their impetuous rickety machine, marked by rough approaches on Che James, hard tackles on the Young Pioneer, and in an astounding moment (of what could be referred to as Thoughtless Crime), a stomping on a prone Mikal Baldwinovitchs' chest (banishing said unthinking ogre to the Joycamp of red card sin bin being the People's "profit"). A long march for the People's Team indeed!

The entire field played as one: The mids in rare form filling in gaps and moving precariously back and forth to offer support of both forwards and the defense, with special marking duties to boot. The young gunners of the top, relentless in their movements, attacking again and again, creating opportunity. The back line, reserved in their duty to defend, all the while knowing their business may be integral in creating a picture perfect play that starts at one end of the pitch and ends in the opponents net. Every Tartan Devil "left it on the field" (in the parlance of the contemporary athlete); from the veritable curtain of Iron Men playing the full course to the willing subs and the black eyed Bench Mob, from the multi faceted comrades filling in at numerous posts to the timely substitutions and the generals directing on field operations. Every player gave his all!

After falling behind 1-0 a tying goal came from a corner kick bent by the bees knees, Comrade AK Adam, to a glorious result off the head of Comrade Paul Pot. The game winning goal came via the sting of a quick strike that had Mikal Baldwinovitch send a cross to the diving head of the Young Pioneer (rumored to be giving Comrade Bortfield's offering a run for it's bread ration!).

The People’s Team were not shaken by the quick pace of the opposition, the duckspeak d l'orange caught in their own honey of doublethink and distress. The collective will of the People’s Team and The Party (TDFC supporters) was not bent by the decadent underestimation of our Pub Heroes! Power to the People! POWER TO THE PUB!

The Ministry of Photography in collusion with the other agencies is reviewing visual contribution to this dispatch. Photo's will be added when available. Chill out.

Believe.

2009-09-17T00:27:00.000-04:00

The Party Dispatch, September 13

2009-09-17T00:07:00.001-04:00

The Glorious People’s Team, the Tartan Devils Football Club, steams along with all of the vigor and productivity of the revolutionary collective that they are. On 13 September, the revolutionary people’s team withstood the duckspeak of the opposition to show a solid performance at the Field of our Revolutionary Founders.

The result on the day speaks NOT to the performance of the collective, especially that of Che' James in net. The first half was all Che' James, including some brilliant saves and solid direction from the back. The score line of 2 – 1 (to the opposition), betrays the real horrorshow that was his effort, as well as that of our GLORIOUS PEOPLE’S TEAM! The collective were on an experimental system of substitution that was intended to keep the machine running at peak performance and garnish maximum results, but the download of information stripped the gears and crashed the speakwrite. More than the voices of the Bench Mob were heard as the inventive substitution scheme was implemented.

TDFC opened up the scoring on this day by the foot of Comrade AP Bratchny. His clever movement through the pitch to come up from his usual place with the Gang of Four to be in scoring position was nothing short of revolutionary vision of a brighter day; of a Five Year Plan of Goals! Doubleplus props go to said comrade who was named Proletariat of the Match, and who deferred to accept until after his numerous responsibilities in the Committee of Construction were met.

The Glorious People’s team continues its march toward victory, valor and revolution. The Collective has always won and will continue to. Those that fall victim to the thought crime of thinking otherwise will be fortunate to consider themselves useful in the work camps. By continuing to push the fascist and imperial opposition down, the People’s Team as they always have will continue to win hearts and minds in cult like fashion, from pub to pub and pitch to pitch. From factory to farmland, office to work site, the Pub Hero remains, the PEOPLE’S TEAM remains, The TDFC prospers! Glory, All One, NEVER None, Glory TDFC!

The Ministry of Photography in collusion with the Records Department have lent the visual recordings of the match to memory holes to be retrieved at a later date in their truthful entirety after consideration by The Party.

We Can Do It!

2009-09-10T17:42:00.000-04:00

Ministry of Newspeak Dispatch, August 30

2009-09-10T17:06:00.000-04:00

All hail the Great Baldwinovich footballer, actor, well coiffed playa, and hero of the Soviet; for it was his inspired play that led TDFC to a hard fought 1-1 tie on the sunny field of Dicks; The Committee of Pressured Attack having had many students on the day!

Though all Devils are equal, some are more equal than others and the Leninist play of Mikhail Baldwinovich demonstrated this in humble fashion through silent action. This Vanguard of the Proletariat was a shining example of when the collective is faced with adversity, individuals must heed the call to arms and pick up the flag of communism and drive it into the heart of the fascist pig.

By his actions Mikhail Baldwinovich was able to move others to feats of grandeur. Duly inspired, The Dear Leader raced to the forefront of the attack (turning the Gang of Four into the Gaggle of Three), and heeding the call of the “Baldwin”, had a sure goal taken away- all involved the victims of Thought Crime (as in everyone "thought" it was a goal). “Karl” Mac’s play was akin to a Katyusha as he lobbed deceptive rockets at the opposition’s goal. The First Among Equals played indeed as the future was ours, but as we know sometimes 2+2= 5, and reality is otherwise. The Young Pioneer pressed the attack and like his demure comrade, was able to keep his perfectly designed locks in place, his actual rockets stinging a shell shocked keeper. A one on one opportunity yielded disappointment, proving as taught by Big Brother, that the individual mind makes mistakes.

The mids made mockery of motivated attempts to exploit the gut of the pitch. Again and again the opposition was mauled by the Green Brigade as marveled by the even more diminutive and honorarily titled "Wee Mikey". The complimentary Red Brigade understanding the lead of comrades all lending to the idea that war is indeed peace. Control and defensive assistance , while offering offensive support make the footballers of TDFC the real Monsters of the Midway!

The afore mentioned Gaggle of Three with the Minister of Street Justice, lived their day in singular coverage mostly and like the Black Flag of old, repelled time and time again the notion of an organized attack on behalf of the beleaguered foe. A Bench Mob of eager players supplemented all involved on all levels, adding enthusiasm and verses of Victory to the din of competition!

Let us remove the saccharine trust of truthiness that allows the Thought Crime of what should have been and move ever forward to the hallowed ground of the Glory that is Tartan Devils FC, All-One or none! All-One! All-One!

Photo's by Comrade Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography

Work hard...

2009-08-27T23:12:00.000-04:00

Dispatch: Ministry of Information, August 23

2009-08-27T22:03:00.000-04:00

As the second half of the season gets underway, the Glorious People’s Team Tartan Devils FC fought a hardscrabble match with decadent foes Mt. Lebanon/Heidleberg. The opposition fielded quite a different, more expanded and bolstered squad from the last meeting when the Glorious People’s Team won 6-0. It came as no surprise to the TDFC bench that the opponent bench was filled with substitutes eager to do counter-revolutionary sabotage to the People’s aspirations on the pitch. The Pub Heroes knew the rust of industry past would be hard to chip away from a summer of limited instruction, the ways of the West rearing it's bourgeois head...

The bitter opponents to the People’s cause fought a tough match. The only goal of the day came when the deceptive counter-revolutionaries drew the TDFC Gang of Four out, leaving Keeper Comrade “Che” James in a tough spot. The ball – almost certainly under the counter-revolutionary spell of the promise of decadent wealth in the form of bribes from the enemy – took a most anti-collectivist bounce and ended up in the net of the People’s Team.

This moment was the only one in which the Gang of Four was not in exemplary form at the back of the defensive end of the field for the TDFC. Each had excellent moments of collective and individual success in keeping the lines of defense for the struggle in order.

The midfield Red Brigades were also strong, with Paul “Pot”, Comrade Jamie and Mikhail Baldwinovich and Comrade “Uncle” Joe working in tandem with the strength and heart of the front grunts to create chances in the attacking Red Zone. And chances were made! Comrade Wayne had a brilliant diving header (reminiscent of KGB Agent Bortfield’s work last spring) that tested the very fiber of the enemies defense, but to no avail. The beloved First Among Equals beaten back by the kryptonite like colors of the opponent that seemed to suffocate his Ipswich heart! And more chances were made at the boot of “Karl” Mac’s Midfield Attacking Generalship! His vision always apparent and decisive, A Player of the Match if ever there was one to be! The Bench Mob added to the collectivist agitation of the battle on the pitch. The Polit Bureau was all the while keeping soviet style oversight of the match.

The result of the day may place a mark in the “L” column for Tartan Devils FC, but the lessons learned and the revolutionary spirit of collective will of the Pub WON on the day! Utilizing our strength - the People’s strength- the Glorious People’s Team is poised to take the season by Red Storm! The cogs of the machine have dismantled themselves and will be built up again with a little oil and a lotta ale! All hail the People’s Revolution! All Power to the Pub!

Photo's by Joe "Stalin" Reichard Sr. as requested by the Special Commissions Department of the Ministry of Photography

It begins again!

2009-08-03T20:23:00.000-04:00

Downtime Dispatch, July 5th

2009-07-18T17:34:00.000-04:00

All hail Com "Red" Jonny Burrell, the Impostor of Imperialists, the Crusher of Capitalists, the Engineer of Egalitarianism, the Bomber of Bourgeois, the Guy Who Played One Game for TDFC!

On Sunday July 5th this mighty soldier of the revolution showed his fellow Tartan Devils how the beautiful game is played. With every touch Red Jonny dominated the action; he scored goals, made assists, ran down the opposition, helped little old ladies across the street, did the hurty gurty, walked on water, and caused women to swoon. He so completely controlled the game the other team described him as if "Pele' and Jesus had a baby that was reared by Lenin"! Comrade Jonny was simply unstoppable and was obviously named "Proletariat of the Match".

Though it was not needed, the Dear Leader created an environment that was conducive to a TDFC victory by shipping his old (Comrade Mark), his porous (Comrade Brenton), his infirm (Comrade Fernando), and his insane (Comrade James) to the adversaries so as to confuse their level of play. If this was not enough, the Dear Leader also acted as the referee to make sure all calls of this unsanctioned match were 'revolutionarily' sound.

The tone on Dick's Pitch could be described as indeed friendly, with said comrades duping the opposers through Trojan Horse tactics of magnum proportions! In what seemed a gesture of true communism through player sharing, it was actually a testimonial (OPERATION: Jonny's Testimonial) to the Stasi operatives of the Ministry for State Security! The newly discovered country of Cranberry will eventually bow to the resoluteness and come to the understanding of the influential Nation of TDFC! The inevitable alignment of competing FC Nations into a union of Soviet Tartan Republics will no doubt be forthcoming. Through the revolutionary acumen of the MfS, the help of Red Jonny, and the grit of Tartan Devils all, the path to a glorious new day has begun! Similar fact finding missions have led to the defection of opposition eager to embrace the happiness and share in the rewards of the fruitful land of Tartan Devils F to the C! Hoo-rah to the Devils! Hoo-rah to the Pub!

Goals and plays were made by others, but only because Comrade Jonny willed them to be. He will be missed and TDFC as a whole will forever remember this 'Red' Tartan Devil!

Jack Megaw, Ministry of Photography